Televisionary Rant: CW Fails to Amuse with "Hidden Palms" Promo Campaign

Remember a time when network promos made you want to watch a show? When they didn't just spoil everything in a single episode (thank you, ABC promo-meisters!) or just... confuse you?

I'm talking about the blink-and-you-missed it 15-second promos that CW has begun to air for its summer series, Hidden Palms, which kicks off on May 30th at 8 pm.

For those of you who haven't seen the mind boggling awfulness that are these promos, I urge you to check out the series' "grassroots" site at 08nova.com. Having seen the series, I can say that these promos fail to capture the tone, characters, or mystery in Hidden Palms. Instead, they confuse, irritate, and bore... all at the same time.

I'm all for mystery and intrigue. The more the better when you only have an eight-episode summer run to entice people with before disappearing off the schedule once the temperature starts to drop. But unlike the Oceanic site launched by ABC and Touchstone for Lost (which intrigued and bewildered at times), these videos wouldn't make me want to tune in.

The promo I happened to catch during last week's clip show episode of America's Next Top Model (which doesn't appear online) featured Sharon Lawrence brandishing a gun at a guy, who asks her where she got the gun. "I'm from Texas," she spits out as she draws the gun upwards. Plus, there are quick-cut reverses and cartoon sound effects! Hmmm.

For a series that features Taylor Handley, Amber Heard, Michael Cassidy, Ellary Porterfield, and Tessa Thompson in various states of undress, I don't know that I would have gone with Lawrence to sell this series in a promo spot that appeared to be a lead-in for a promo of The Pussycat Dolls Presents: The Search for the Next Doll. (Seriously, it was THAT fast.)

Or maybe the CW just doesn't want to spend any money promoting a summer series, even one as seductive a guilty pleasure as its own Hidden Palms.

"Teletubbies Go to War": Teams Enter the Military on "The Amazing Race"

Oh, Team Cha Cha Cha, I will miss you. For the second time, Danny and Oswald have placed fourth overall in the Amazing Race, just as they did back in Season Two.

I was really hoping Danny and Oz would make it to the final three, but instead we have two of my least favorite teams (Eric & Danielle and Charla & Mirna, if you're keeping score) racing for $1 million against the Beauty Queens. Dustin and Kandice, I've been rooting for you this whole time, so don't let me down!

Last night's episode of The Amazing Race featured the Beauty Queens at their finest, as they managed to stay ahead of the other teams the entire time, even when the other teams managed to get on the same flight as Dustin and Kandice. Though I am still not entirely sure how Charla and Mirna showed up at the airport so quickly behind the Beauty Queens as they were on a ferry that departed an hour later. Color me confused. In any event, I was whooping and hollering as the girls continued their winning streak, once again landing in the top spot. Plus, they seemed to have a hell of a good time getting there. Dustin completely got into the Roadblock and had an awesome time locating a "downed" pilot and making her way to the extraction point, where she was airlifted by helicopter. Can these two just win the top prize already?

Danielle's mental breakdown was hysterical as she began to wander in the jungle and wound up covered in spiders. I understand that the heat is on and only three teams will make it through this round to compete for a chance at $1 million, but come on now. You're using a fricking GPS to lead you to the pilot. Follow the arrow and keep walking. It's really not that difficult. I was hoping that Danielle's tantrum would have resulted in the gruesome twosome getting eliminated this week, but she managed to find the extraction point. I'd be curious to know just how long she was wandering out there because it seemed like quite a while.

Charla, meanwhile, couldn't keep her fingers off the GPS device and, despite her military escort and Mirna telling her, she kept pressing the screen and buttons of the device, resulting in an error about more than half the time. As much as I admire Charla, I couldn't help but roar with laughter as she repeatedly kept touching the damn thing.

Oh, Mirna and her accents. This week, she basically insulted a taxi driver with one of her put-on phony accents as she kept asking him for airport and then had the temerity to turn to the camera and explain that it always helps to ask a person in the right accent. Um, no, Mirna. How about you use your real accent and not some bizarro Spanish/Italian/Esperanto accent? Maybe then the person on the receiving end of your questions would understand you. Who else was cheering when they missed the first ferry?

I thought it sad that only Charla and Mirna chose the "humanitarian" Detour last night (but given the fact that the clue stated it would take longer, I understand the decision) but the experience did seem like a once-in-a-lifetime sort of thing. And anyone that puts Mirna in her place--a military officer chastised her for throwing stuff into the box for the drop as if the items were garbage--is A-okay with me.

And, Mirna, just because you haven't seen someone else the Internet, doesn't mean that they don't know HOW to use the Internet. Get a clue and drop the holier-than-thou attitude. How Danny and Oswald think that these two should win is beyond me.

One of the best lines of the night: "We're not sure whether we landed in Japan or in Alaska, because we felt the cold breeze, freezing cold, but we don't care." - Oswald, upon making in onto the flight with the other three teams.

It's down to the final three and, while I wish that two of the teams were replaced by others, I can't wait to see what happens next week. If the Beauty Queens win, I'll be ecstatic. And, as long as Eric and Danielle don't win, I'll be satisfied.

But I'm more than a little nervous because, if you haven't noticed, The Amazing Race hasn't yet been picked up for another season. Which means that there hasn't been any production begun for a twelfth installment of TAR and next week's episode might just be the last leg of the Amazing Race. Fingers crossed that it's not the case.

Next week on the season finale of The Amazing Race: Dustin and Kandice's relationship capsizes like their kayak, leading Dustin to be hurt by Kandice's words; Charla and Mirna attempt to outwit the other teams with their dazzling display of interweb know-how; the final challenge is a test to see how well teammates know one another. All this, plus one team walks away with a cool $1 million prize. Who will it be? Find out next week.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: How I Met Your Mother/The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS); Deal or No Deal (NBC); Everybody Hates Chris/All of Us (CW); Dancing with the Stars (ABC; 8-9:30 pm); House (FOX)

9 pm: Two and a Half Men/The King of Queens (CBS); Heroes (NBC); Girlfriends/The Game (CW); The Bachelor (ABC; 9:30-11 pm); 24 (FOX)

10 pm: CSI: Miami (CBS); The Real Wedding Crashers (NBC)

What I'll Be Watching

8 pm: Waking the Dead on BBC America.

It's the return of the stylish smart UK murder investigation series. On tonight's episode, Boyd is requested by MI-6 to re-open an investigation involving the murder of an Iraqi rebel, even though the killer had been caught and convicted. Curious...

8 pm: Everybody Hates Chris.

On tonight's episode ("Everybody Hates Dirty Jokes"), Chris becomes popular after telling some dirty jokes gleaned from his parents' comedy albums, Drew gets some unwanted attention from a girl, and Rochelle tries to find her busybody mom a man.

8:30 pm: Old Christine.

On tonight's episode ("Friends"), Christine, Richard, Matthew, and Barb push one another's boundaries while they go on a road trip, following Ritchie's school camping trip in the desert.

9 pm: 24.

It's Day Six of 24. While FOX doesn't give us much in the way of previews, here's what we do know: Audrey experiences a severe post-traumatic reaction to her captivity in the hands of the Chinese, while Kari Matchett-sniffing Acting President Noah Daniels receives a rather shocking message from Russian President Suvarov. As for me, I'm more interested in what Karen Hayes is up to.

10 pm: The Riches on FX.

Is anyone else watching new drama The Riches on FX? On tonight's episode ("X Marks the Spot"), it's a return to some of the levity seen in earlier episodes as the Molloys plan a con on a disgraced baseball player in order to save their new life in Eden Falls.

"Ungrateful Beyotch Hotline": Product Recall for Dunder-Mifflin on "The Office"

It's always so satisfying when an episode really hits its mark and last night's episode of The Office ("Product Recall") was no exception, delivering an installment that featured several zany storylines without feeling contrived or forced, as Dunder-Mifflin Scranton goes into damage control mode when an obscene watermark appears on a shipment of paper, Creed sets up one of the paper mill supervisors to take the fall, and Andy and Jim travel to the high school, where they learn that Andy's new girlfriend is, er, under age.

Cold Open/Tag. Before I say anything else, I have to comment on what was possibly one of the funniest cold opens ever on this series. I was laughing so hard I nearly choked when Jim came into the office dressed as Dwight, complete with mustard-colored short-sleeved shirt and tie and the $4 drug store glasses, before ratting off some of Dwight's favorite topics ("Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica") and then engaging him in a battle of wits (poor Dwight, will you ever learn). Likewise, the series has never before used a set of bookending cold opens and tags before and I thought last night was a completely novel way of using a mirroring device. At the episode's end, Dwight showed up for work dressed as Jim, complete with poncey haircut, messenger bag casually thrown over his shoulder, and a slightly rumpled suit. As everyone tells Mr. Schrute how fantastic he looks, he keeps mugging for the camera, adding his spin on that trademark Jim grimace we all know and love. Brilliant.

Kelly. Can I just say how much I love Kelly (Mindy Kaling)? I absolutely loved the scenes where she trained Oscar, Angela, and Kevin on customer relations and how to use the phone. Kelly manages to stay just on the right side of the line of lovable irritant and her OTT bubbly personality came through last night. I thought it was perfect that she would pretend to be Bridget Jones on the phone with customers and talk in a put-on British accent... and that she would commend Kevin on his truly awful attempt to talk to the disgruntled customers as an Aussie. Scenes with her and Angela are always a pleasure to watch as the two of them are such diametrically opposed characters; the scene where Kelly attempts to correct Angela's gruesome service skills was also a particular delight.

Andy. I'm actually not as against Andy coming back to the series as I was before it actually happened. This new Andy (a.k.a. Drew) is much more toned down and socially awkward ("beer me") than his pre-anger management stint doppelganger, who was so over the top with his behavior that it actually took some of the shine off of Michael. But now he's calmed down into more of a doofus (in an entirely different way than Dwight) that I don't feel threatened by his return anymore. His scenes with Jim last night were hysterical as he slowly (very slowly) realizes that his new girlfriend is actually a student at the high school (not a sexy guidance counselor or, er, tutor) and then wigs out in front of the principal ("I want to take out an ad in the yearbook. Two words."). Thankfully, Jim is there to not only protect the proceeding from turning violent but also manages to cheer him up afterwards, with some much needed a cappella singing.

Creed. I love the scary/crazy Creed--we learned this week that he used to be homeless and, apparently, has no morals whatsoever--and this episode squarely featured the squirrelly old guy in just the right amount of screen time. (Any more would have been Creed overkill.) I loved the fact that he's blown off the last year of quality assurance drive-bys at the paper mill (just what does this guy do all day? besides growing mung-beans in his desk?) and then pins the entire watermark affair on some hapless mill supervisor who wasn't even there the day Creed pretends to have stopped by. Who else would pass out a going-away card for the employee he got fired and then pocket the goodwill cash that came along with it, tossing the card in the garbage? Just Creed.

Apology video. I thought that this week's apology video, shot as always by Pam (Michael always prefers the vids have a "woman's touch"), was brilliant. As Michael rambles on, making ultimatums and not being all that coherent, a homemade taped up American flag (printed on four separate pieces of paper) lurks conspicuously behind him it. I love how the juxtaposition of media savvy, however false, with a lack of any real human understand completely define Michael Scott. And how awkward was the scene between Michael and the irate customer played by Popular's green apple-loving Lisa Darr, who refuses to accept Michael and Dunder-Mifflin's apology? Even after he's presented her with an oversized novelty check? Michael urges her to call the "ungrateful beyotch hotline," in full view of the single press member he managed to get to come to his inane press conferenece, reminding all of us just how clueless he really is.

Next week on The Office ("Women's Appreciation"), after Phyllis is, er, confronted by a flasher, Dwight and Andy team up to catch the predator, while Michael, who has some personal problems of his own, attempts to comfort and console the women in his own unique style: by taking them on a very special outing.

"Make Me a Smoothie and Let's Go Clubbing!" It's Hiatus Time on the Season Finale of "30 Rock"

With all of the hoopla lately surrounding a certain voicemail heard 'round the world and Alec Baldwin's current issues, I was concerned that the Baldwin overload will overshadow this week's season finale of the brilliant and smartly comic 30 Rock.

However, I'm happy to report that I easily pushed the entirety of Baldwin's "parental alienation" issues right out of my mind and was able to focus on the fact that we now have several months of 30 Rock-less television ahead of us. Damn you, NBC, for getting me hooked on this series only to stop producing new episodes during some lame hiatus. Why can't Tina Fey and the rest of 30 Rock's talented cast and crew work year-round for our amusement?

Last night's season finale of 30 Rock ("Hiatus") neatly wrapped up several dangling storylines from the last few weeks, including Tracy's disappearance (the Black Crusaders are after him), Liz and Floyd's relationship, and Jack's impending nuptials to the gold-digging Phoebe (Emily Mortimer). It was so neatly tied with a bow that I actually felt really sad at the end of the episode, given that it finally hit me that this little show that could actually made it to the end of its first season. No mean feat for a comedy that few thought would outlast its original 13-episode order.

Guest stars. I said it about Arrested Development and I'll say it here: this show has the best freaking guest stars in the business. Between Isabella Rossellini, Rip Torn, Paul Reubens, Will Arnett, and last night's double-punch of Elaine Stritch and Sean Hayes, 30 Rock has proven itself adept at writing for guest stars each week without hitting us over the head with them (hello, Will & Grace!) Comedy legend Elaine Stritch was pitch perfect as Jack's tough broad mother Colleen, who takes an instant liking to one Liz Lemon (assuming that she's Jack's fiancee) and an immediate dislike to the hollow-boned Phoebe. Can you believe Stritch is 82 years old? I'm hoping she'll pop up again next season as the earthy Colleen; I completely believed that this was the woman from whose loins Jack Donaghy sprung.

Sean Hayes was also hysterical as Kenneth's redneck cousin Jesse, who took in the fugitive Tracy Jordan and hid him in Needmore, Pennsylvania, where he started a new life as nerdy, bespectacled Gordon Tremeshko. Sure, there were a few speed bumps ("Make me a smoothie, and let's go clubbing.") but Tracy soon manages to subvert his celebrity status, even when confronted by a pack of hot women desperate to do anything with famous people. The Needmore sequences were hysterical, recalling both Groundhog's Day and Misery, and allowed Kenneth the Page to come to the rescue. Though I jumped in the air when Jesse came after Kenneth, Tracy, Dot Com, and Grizz with a shotgun. And I loved when Kenneth offered up my favorite new expression, "By the hammer of Thor!" in terms of reaction.

Is there any new sitcom character more naive and beloved than Kenneth the Page? What other character on TV today would take a bullet (or, at least, a fall down a steep set of stairs) in order to ensure that, thanks to a quick ambulance ride, his charge, spacey Girly Show actor Tracy Morgan, arrive to the set in time for taping? Sniffle. I'm gonna miss his serial-killer-in-training smile and aw shucks mannerisms until the fall.

Jack, meanwhile, ended up in the hospital under the care of Dr. Spaceman. I loved that Colleen realized Jack's heart monitor could be used as an impromptu polygraph and learned that he really did love her... and Phoebe learned that he really didn't love her. (The fact that she refused to have sex with him at all anymore was also probably not a good sign.)

But it was Jack's scene with emergency contact Liz Lemon (assigned the role because she wouldn't hesitate from pulling the plug) that really summed up everything I love about the show. Liz admits that she's not going to Cleveland to visit long-distance boyfriend Floyd (Jason Sudeikis, who will be missed), after they realized that all Liz talks about is work. Jack admits that his whole life flashed before him (Hands Across America, "Me, personally coining the phrase 'What's the upside?'") and realizes that he does wish that he spent more time at work. These two workaholics are clearly meant for each other... at least in a platonic way, anyway.

Jack and Liz finally do have a heart-to-heart, Tracy does show up in time for the last show of the season ("Take this Black Crusaders! It's Cowboy Hey-hey!"), and The Girly Show--and 30 Rock--sails off into the sunset of the summer hiatus.

As for me, I'm gonna miss what was hands-down the best new comedy of the season. As one of 30 Rock's earliest fans, I've grown to love this surreal comedy series as much as some of my other favorites over the years and I cannot wait to see what Season Two brings us this fall. Hopefully, it's with Jack Donaghy (and Alec Baldwin) firmly in tact. But, if this season of 30 Rock has shown us anything, it's that the series can keep us laughing as much as it can keeping us guessing as to what's going to happen next.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: The Ghost Whisperer (CBS); Identity (NBC); WWE Friday Night SmackDown (CW; 8-10 pm); Grey's Anatomy (ABC); House (FOX)

9 pm: Close to Home (CBS); Raines (NBC); Wife Swap (ABC); Bones (FOX)

10 pm: NUMB3RS (CBS); Law & Order (NBC); 20/20 (ABC)

What I'll Be Watching

8 pm: Absolutely Fabulous on BBC America.

What better way than to begin your weekend of debauchery than by starting it with two people even more pickled than you'll be? On tonight's "vintage" episode of AbFab ("The End"), Patsy moves to New York for a job and Edina joins a commune.

8:40 pm: Coupling on BBC America.

Revisit the Coupling gang way back when. On the first of two episodes tonight ("Flushed"), Steve tries to break up with Jane, while Susan and Patrick split. Ah, beginnings. Then it's "Size Matters," wherein Steve has some problems with his, er, image and Patrick invites Sally to a motor show.

The Staff of Life: Sun Learns the Date of Conception on "Lost"

Say what you will about the first half of Lost's somewhat uneven third season, but this most recent run of episodes has been fantastic and recaptured that magic that was lost (no pun intended) during the awkward scheduling choices last fall.

This week's episode of Lost ("D.O.C.") actually answered some questions while focusing on one of my favorite Losties: the beautiful Sun, who proved that the gritty determination that she displayed in "The Glass Ballerina" wasn't a one-time phenomenon.

Preggers. We've all been wondering what the fate of Sun's pregnancy would be, given the fact that we learned that all of the women who have gotten pregnant on the island have died before their third trimester. Meaning that either (A) the island managed to cure Jin's infertility and he is the father of Sun's baby or (B) Sun got pregnant before she arrived on the island, courtesy of her lover. Either way, Sun loses. So it was with bated breath that we learned that Jin is in fact her baby daddy (it's something to do with how the island more than quintuples sperm count), a joyous revelation that also means that potentially Sun will only be with us for another two months (in Lost time). Say it's not so, Damon and Carlton. I'd be absolutely distraught without Sun on the island.

Jin. Poor Jin. Sun thinks she's freeing her new husband from the shame of his birth when it fact she dooms him (and their marriage) by asking her father for that $100,000. In return the seriously creepy Mr. Paik says that if the money is for his son-in-law, Jin will no longer be a floor manager but will in fact have to work for him to pay off that debt. And pay it off he does as Paik forces him to become a brutal enforcer. Hmmm, do we think the army is where Jin learned some kickin' tae kwon do?

I love the fact that neither of them knows what the other does: that Sun knows Jin's father is alive and that she visited him shortly after their wedding (and he visits him shortly before that doomed Oceanic Flight 815), that they were both planning on running away, and that Jin's mother is not only alive, but is/was a completely mercenary prostitute who left Jin with his father (who might not even be his biological dad). Still, I cannot believe that she actually turns to blackmail when she sees that Sun has married her son. Worst Mother Ever.

Juliet. I knew that she wasn't evil! I just knew it. Still, one can't help but wonder why she's going along with Ben's machinations after everything that's happened between them. But if there's one thing that Juliet is all about, it's self-preservation. I loved the reveal of the tape recorder hidden in the Staff Station and how she left her message for Ben before clicking off the tape and whispering, "I hate you." Ah, Juliet. Welcome back to the side of the angels. Still, one can't help but shudder at the thought that she's playing these castaways so easily: first she gained Jack's trust, then Claire's, and now Sun's to boot. (Though she did seem genuinely happy with Sun during the ultrasound; she's not totally a bad apple.)

So just what does Juliet want from Oceanic's women? Samples and lots of them. I don't think Kate's pregnant (though given the fact that she and a sperm count-raised Sawyer are having unprotected sex leaves that under consideration), but Juliet is obviously looking for a common link among the off-island women and she'll be providing these DNA samples to Ben. Which leaves me to wonder if Sun really is doomed after all or if Juliet said that to sway her to her side. Curious. Still, I can't help but think that Ben sees all of these women as potential baby-incubators as he tries to get to the heart of the baby "curse" affecting the island. Still, it explains why babies and children are such precious commodities in this place.

And that secret room decorated like a nursery? Um, it's where they brought the women to die...

Mikhail. I knew Patchy McPatches wouldn't be dead! There's no way that the show's producers would just casually kill off a character with such potential (though the body count has been awfully high this year). I'm very curious, however, to know just how Mikhail managed to fake his death in the sonic fence (foaming mouth powder perhaps?) and whether the fence was even turned on (I'm thinking not) in the first place. I loved the fact that he tried to steal the satellite phone ("You wouldn't respect me unless I tried.") and his awesome fight with Jin, whom he severely underestimated. But just what was Mikhail running from and towards? Did he see the flare that Hurley inadvertently fired? Or was he after any survivors from the helicopter crash? It's obvious that he didn't expect to find Des and the others there. Very curious.

Naomi. Still, it's a good thing that Patchy was there to save the life (at least temporarily) of the injured Naomi, in a particularly gross medical procedure that sprayed a hell of a lot of blood all over the place. (Ick.) While we didn't learn much about the mysterious Naomi this week (except that she's a kick-ass polyglot), she did leave my jaw hanging on the floor when she told Hurley that it's impossible that they are the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815 as the plane was found... without any survivors!

Just what did Naomi mean? Before everyone starts off with the purgatory theories, I think we have to remember that Ben's group was aware of the crash from their communications feed at the Flame and they've proven themselves particularly adept at making some pretty crazy things happen. My theory: they faked the crash and the discovery in an enormous cover-up so that search parties would stop looking for the survivors... and then they would have all the guinea pigs they need for the island's bizarro tests and experiments.

Meanwhile, what did Naomi whisper to Patchy? Lostpedia translates the whispered phrase from Brazilian Portugese as "I am not alone." Whether that's actually true or who might have accompanied Naomi to the island remains to be seen...

Next week on Lost ("The Brig"), Locke, who's apparently finally snapped out of his moral fugue state, kidnaps Ben from his tent and urges an incredulous Sawyer to kill him as he cannot, while Naomi offers some shocking information to the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815. Is it Wednesday yet?

What's On Tonight

8 pm: Survivor: Fiji (CBS); My Name is Earl/The Office (NBC); Smallville (CW); Ugly Betty (ABC); Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? (FOX)

9 pm: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (CBS); 30 Rock/Scrubs (NBC); Supernatural (CW); Grey's Anatomy (ABC); Trading Spouses: Meet Your New Mommy (FOX)

10 pm: Shark (CBS); ER (NBC); October Road (ABC)

What I'll Be Watching

8 pm: Ugly Betty.

On tonight's installment ("Petra-Gate"), Betty goes out of her way to avoid former friends Daniel, Christina and Henry, Amanda flirts with a designer she assumes is gay, and Alexis is asked out on her first date as a woman.

8 pm: My Name is Earl.

On tonight's episode ("GED"), Earl returns to school to prepare for his GED after getting turned down for a credit card, as he doesn't have, you know, a high school diploma, a job, or a house. Is it just me or does this show seriously need to step it up, given the strenghts of fellow NBC laughers The Office and 30 Rock?

8:30 pm: The Office.

On tonight's *new* episode ("Product Recall"), Dunder-Mifflin is forced to implement some serious damage control when a shipment of paper is found to contain an obscene watermark. Hmmm, isn't quality assurance Creed's job?

9 pm: 30 Rock.

On tonight's season finale of 30 Rock ("Hiatus"), Liz and Floyd try to work out the kinks in their long-distance relationship, Jack's impending wedding brings his mother (guest star Elaine Stritch) to New York, and Kenneth searches for the missing Tracy. (Sniffle, sniffle.) For those of you on the East Coast (or, er, not doing anything at 6:30 pm PT), Tina Fey will be liveblogging at NBC.com after the broadcast.

9:30 pm: Scrubs.

On tonight's episode ("My Turf War"), J.D. is left out in the cold when Elliot's wild sorority sister Melody arrives in town and decides to turn the girls against one another. Oh, J.D., you insufferable cad.

10:30 pm: This American Life on Showtime.

Based on the popular NPR radio series, this brilliant new Showtime drama seeks to capture first person accounts of single themes. On tonight's episode ("Pandora's Box"), sadly the last in the show's first season, innovation brings some surprising results for people trying new things, including some scientists who accidentally discover a way to erase memories and a Chicago hot dog vendor who brings out some intense emotions in his customers.

Baldwin Wants Off of "30 Rock," NBC Balks

Say it's not so. Could Jack Donaghy want off of 30 Rock?

Actor Alec Baldwin, currently embroiled in the controversy stemming from his voicemail-heard-round-the-world in which he allegedly verbally abuses his daughter Ireland, has asked NBC to release him from his contract on the comedy series, which was recently picked up for a second season (and which wraps its freshman season tomorrow night).

NBC has publicly denied the request, stating that Baldwin, along with the rest of the cast, will be returning for Season Two of 30 Rock.

Baldwin meanwhile, wants off the series so he can spend time dealing with his "parental alienation" and with his ongoing legal battles with ex-wife Kim Basinger. Furthermore, Baldwin reportedly wanted to leave 30 Rock so that the cast and crew of the comedy would not "be hurt by the situation." He'll appear in a pre-taped segment on this Friday's edition of The View (set your TiVos now!) talking about the voicemail message and his behavior.

It's hard to imagine the brilliant 30 Rock without Baldwin or the loopy Donaghy. But I also worry how his performance on the series will suffer in the long run if his heart just isn't in what he's doing.

Is there a future for 30 Rock without Alec Baldwin? Discuss.

"Drive" Screeches to a Halt; Series Pulled from FOX's May Schedule

Looks like FOX has pulled Drive onto the shoulder.

After announcing that it would take the rather unusual tack of intentionally breaking up Drive's 13-episode run into two chunks (thus limiting any momentum the series would have built up), FOX has now announced that it is in fact benching the series for the entirety of May sweeps.

Four hours of the freshman series, about an illegal underground cross-country race, have already aired. FOX will fill Drive's Mondays at 8 pm timeslot with (you guessed it!) repeats of House.

While there's been no official word of the c-word (that would be cancellation, people!), it's not a good sign for a series that's already had its share of odd scheduling and plummeting ratings.

Oh well. It's not as if I didn't already make the turn for the exit ramp last week.

Who's Crazier: Dale or Alby?

While watching this week's episode of FX's The Riches, in which the Molloy clan returns to the Traverlers camp to attend the funeral of the murdered Earl (and nearly attends the wedding of DiDi to Ken Dannigan), I couldn't help but reminded of the commune on HBO's Big Love (which thankfully returns to the airwaves after way too long on June 17th).

The two series are definitely distinct in their own ways, but they do share some similarities in the familiar theme of outsider families pretending to be something they're not, in suburbia, no less. While the series' leads couldn't be more different from one another (I don't, for example see Dahlia and Boss Lady knocking back drinks together), it's impossible not to compare the two series' most insane characters.

Yes, I'm talking about examining the crazies: Big Love's Alby (Matt Ross) and The Riches' Dale (Todd Stashwick).

Name: Alby (Big Love)
Occupation: Commune enforcer
Likes: Knives, sandwiches, holy missions
Dislikes: Bill Henrickson, anti-freeze, hospital stays
Antisocial Traits: Terrorizing little girls, strangling Ben Henrickson, breaking and entering Home Plus
Deviant Behavior: Alby takes a male hustler he picked up outside a grocery store back to his motel room, makes a sandwich, then bangs his own head against the wall after forcing the guy to leave.
Crazy-O-Meter: 10

Name: Dale (The Riches)
Occupation: Acting Patriarch of the Travelers
Likes: Tacky neon beer signs, pens with ink, Dahlia Malloy, small, unmarked bills.
Dislikes: Wayne Molloy, getting passed over for leadership opportunities, yellow Mercedes and the people who drive them
Antisocial Traits: Pushing pregnant women, beating up the mentally disabled, reneging on sworn oaths of protection
Deviant Behavior: After learning that Earl had selected Wayne as his successor, Dale takes his paralyzed father out into the woods, says he'll carry him forever in his heart, and leaves him to die from exposure.
Crazy-O-Meter: 9

Conclusion: they're both pretty damn insane, but I do have to give Alby the slight edge in craziness over Dale as the root of his insanity is still somewhat under wraps, while Dale appears to be a sociopath with a fixation on Dahlia and some daddy issues.

Who do you think is the more certifiably insane of the two? And which one should be locked up post haste?

Our Lady of the Sensible Pantsuit: Why Karen Hayes Keeps Me Watching "24"

Oh, 24, I keep giving you chances and you keep biting me.

I finally got around to watching this week's episode of 24 last night (blame it on the fact that I was out Monday night and, well, hardly find the show that interesting anymore) and was shocked to learn that there's only a handful of episodes left. This season has been plagued with such stop and go storytelling (guess we'll never learn if Charles Logan lived or died after being stabbed by a knife-wielding former First Lady) and such an over the top beginning (after detonating a nuclear bomb in Valencia, where do you really go from there?) that it's hard to take the show seriously. And don't even get me started on the Very Special Episode where Jack bonded with a mentally disabled guy in a plot to ensnare the dead-and-forgotten "Mr. Grendenko."

Still, it's a telling sign that a series is getting a little old and creaky when the most exciting thing about 24 that week isn't Jack's daring rescue of Audrey (who may or may not be insane) but the fractured marital relationship between Bill Buchanan and Karen Hayes.

What's that you say? How can the strained relations between two supporting characters be the most exciting thing going on? Here's the skinny. A few weeks back, weaselly Reed Pollack (Chad Lowe) and the Biscuit (Peter MacNichol) discovered that Bill Buchanan that actually detained Fayed two years earlier and released him, due to a lack of evidence. Now that said terrorist detonated a nuclear blast in the US, the Justice Department is looking for a scapegoat. And since both Bill and Karen were involved with Fayed's release (or in Karen's case, the routine processing of paperwork involving the release), either she or Bill will have to take the fall. Due to Karen's proximity to the president (both the real one and the Kari Matchett-sniffing Acting one), it's advised that it's Bill who be the fall guy.

Poor Karen. Just a few hours ago, she tried to resign to cover up just this very story to keep Bill in his position as director of CTU and now she's willing--for the greater good--to fire her husband and destroy his career (before he can check his voicemail messages, apparently). Bill is grief-stricken that his wife would turn on him as quickly as she does and hangs up on her. A distraught Karen tries to call back but Bill refuses to speak to her. Please tell me my favorite TV couple (loved that photo of them on their honeymoon in Hawaii, BTW) isn't splitting up!

While Karen's role as National Security Advisor might seem more pivotal, I did think that perhaps it would be in the interest of the country to keep Bill running CTU until the 73rd international crisis that day was completely averted (given that Jack had gone rogue for the umpteenth time and was running around with Russian missile schematics). Or at least until the end of the season. As for Karen, she and her always sensible pantsuits have given this season a much needed kick in the pants as she continues to provide both steely resolve and (as evidenced from this week's episode) grim determination that her career--or that of her beloved husband's--can be sacrificed in the name of national security.

Meanwhile, I do think that Bill chose the perfect replacement for himself in Nadia, who will be acting director of CTU until a suitable replacement for Bill can be found (read: next season). It's at least a fitting apology to the woman they had suspected of being a mole, detained, interrogated, strangled, and then released without giving her a mental health day or a change of clothes. And, hell, she'll do a better job than the dour Chloe, who's too busy arguing with ex-husband Morris (whose involvement in the Fayed affair is thrown back in his face) to do her job.

But if there's one reason I've stuck around with 24 this season, it's definitely because of Karen Hayes. And while next week's episode seeks to reveal just what the Chinese did to Audrey, the real reason I'm tuning in isn't to watch Jack try to reach out to her but to see just what the fallout is from Karen's betrayal of Bill, both politically and romantically and whether their marriage will be fractured forever.

Had you been in Karen's position, would you have taken the fall or would you have pinned it on your partner? Discuss.

Next week on 24, Audrey experiences a severe post-traumatic reaction to her captivity in the hands of the Chinese, while Acting President Noah Daniels receives a rather shocking message from Russian President Suvarov.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: Jericho (CBS); Thank God You're Here (NBC); America's Next Top Model (CW); According to Jim/Notes from the Underbelly (ABC); American Idol (FOX; 8-10 pm)

9 pm: Criminal Minds (CBS); Crossing Jordan (ABC); Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll (CW); Lost (ABC)

10 pm: CSI: New York (CBS); Medium (NBC); Lost (ABC)

What I'll Be Watching

8 pm: America's Next Top Model.

On tonight's episode ("The Girls Who Picks a Fight"), it's time for a clip show, featuring never-before-seen footage from Top Model, including Dionne and Renee going tooth and nail in an argument, and the girls put on a mock fashion show, including impersonations of the judges. Let's just hope they didn't raid Tyra's closet for that one.

9 pm: Lost.

If you missed last week's Desmond-centric episode ("Catch-22"), here's your chance to catch it again. Desmond convinces Charlie, Hurley, and Jin to accompany him on a journey across the jungle, while Kate turns to Sawyer after catching Jack alone with Juliet.

10 pm: Lost.

Lost is more than back on track for me. On tonight's episode ("D.O.C."), Sun reluctantly allows Juliet to examine her after learning that all of the Other's pregnant women have died before giving birth on the island, while Desmond enters an uneasy alliance in order to save Naomi's life.

FBI Angle Not Dead for "Veronica Mars" Season Four

More twisty than one of the Dharma Initiative's orientation films. More needlessly confusing than the current season of 24.

Just what am I talking about? If you've been following the on-again, off-again future of the CW's Veronica Mars, you know exactly what I am talking about. It seems as though a day can't go by without someone from the cast or crew making a comment in the press about the show's fate.

Then there was the previously reported new story angle, with the action for a potential fourth season taking place several years in the future, with Veronica an FBI trainee. (An angle that Rob Thomas confirmed here on this very blog.) An interesting gambit, the pitch presented the opportunity for Thomas to present two very different avenues for a potential next season to the network.

Then on Friday, co-star Enrico Colantoni (a.k.a. Papa Keith) told the Toronto Star that the FBI angle had been vetoed by the network and was now as dead as poor Sheriff Lamb:

"Rob [Thomas] and a couple of the other executives said, 'Let's make a little showcase pilot of what Veronica could be like in four years.' They thought Dawn [Ostroff] might latch on to the idea of Veronica as an FBI agent in a kind of sexy workplace environment, á la Grey's Anatomy, that kind of thing.

"We shot 10 pages and they saw it and the reaction was, 'That's not our show.' Then they saw the last episode of this season, and it was so on the money ... it was like the first two years. And I think the network was very excited about that."

Which seems like a fairly definitive statement. That is, had it been true that Ostroff had even seen the ten-minute Season Four presentation in the first place.

TV Guide's Michael Ausiello spoke to Rob Thomas, who says that the network hasn't even seen the aforementioned presentation.

"I have no earthly idea what Enrico is talking about," Thomas told Ausiello. "The network doesn't see it or hear our pitches for VM College or VM FBI until May 2."

So there you have it. There's still a week or so to go until the CW even hears a Season Four pitch for Veronica Mars from Thomas and Co.

While the fate of the series is still very much in the air, I think that the network would be foolish not to order another season of Veronica Mars, especially given that I don't particularly think they've knocked it out of the park with any of their drama pilots this season. (I can only really see one, Gossip Girl, from The O.C.'s Josh Schwartz and Stephanie Savage, hitting the right note at the net.)

Will we get to see more of our favorite intrepid sleuth (either in college or in the FBI) next season? Something tells me this is going to be a decision that comes down to the wire, with the network only making an announcement at the upfronts on May 17th.

In the meantime, Veronica Mars returns from its way-too-long hiatus next week with a brand new episode ("Un-American Graffiti"), in which a Middle Eastern restaurateur hires Veronica to discover who has been vandalizing his restaurant, while Papa Keith, now acting sheriff, begins a program in which his deputies conduct ID checks in all of Neptune's bars.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: NCIS (CBS); Dateline (NBC); Gilmore Girls (CW); George Lopez/George Lopez (ABC); American Idol (FOX)

9 pm: The Unit (CBS); Law & Order: Criminal Intent (NBC); Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search of the Next Doll (CW); Dancing with the Stars (ABC); House (FOX)

10 pm: Cold Case (CBS); Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC); Boston Legal (ABC)

What I'll Be Watching

8 pm: American Idol.

The six remaining contestants (ha, no Sanjaya!) perform songs about compassion and hope, kicking off a multi-night charity event overseen by Comic Relief/Red Nose Day's Richard Curtis.

8 pm: Gilmore Girls.

I've given up on this once-great drama, but for the few of you out there still watching (there's potentially 13 more lousy episodes next season!), here's what's going on. On tonight's episode ("It's Just Like Riding a Bike"), Lorelai and Luke are uncomfortable together (yawn), while Paris breaks up with Doyle after getting accepted to law and medical schools.

Set Your Sonic Screwdrivers: Sci Fi Announces Season Three Launch Date for "Doctor Who"

After months of rampant speculation as to when the US public would finally get to see Season Three of British sci fi series Doctor Who, Sci Fi has finally announced that the TARDIS will be arriving in the States this summer.

Sci Fi announced that it plans to launch Season Three of Doctor Who, starring David Tennant and Freema Agyeman (replacing the departed and much missed Billie Piper), in July.

The third season kicks off with the most recent Christmas special, entitled "The Runaway Bride," starring Catherine Tate as a, well, runaway bride of sorts. (Don't look for Agyeman's Martha Jones, however. Her character doesn't show up until the third season's actual premiere episode, "Smith and Jones.")

Among the highlights that the Doctor and Martha will reportedly face: William Shakespeare, a 1930s Dalek plot, vampiric aliens, and some stormtroopers called the Judoon. (For a trailer, click here.)

While I saw "The Runaway Bride" last December, I can't wait to see Season Three of Doctor Who and see the chemistry between Tennant and Agyeman myself. I've missed my fix of the Time Lord and Co. these past few months and I'm happy to see that this summer is turning out to hold quite a few must-see series, including the new Doctor Who, after all.

ABC's "Traveler" to Start Road Trip Early

Remember Traveler, that little 8 episode action drama that was originally ordered for the 2006-07 season?

The series, which stars Matthew Bomer, Logan Marshall-Green, Aaron Stanford, William Sadler, and Stephen Culp (a.k.a. poor dead Rex from Desperate Housewives), follows two grad students (Bomer, Marshall-Green) forced to go on the run after their friend (Stanford) frames them for a terrorist act (namely, the blowing up of one NYC museum). Together, they must find a way to prove their innocence while tracking down the man responsible for the crime (the titular Will Traveler).

ABC announced a few weeks back that it would burn off the series (earlier chopped from its 13 episode initial order to 8 eps) in its entirety this summer, a rather unceremonious dumping of a show that I found eminently more engaging and suspenseful than, say, the current season of 24.

To counter-balance any negativity to the summer scheduling, ABC has now announced that Traveler will in fact kick off on its deadly road trip earlier than expected. The freshman drama will get a sneak peek of sorts on May 10th in the prime post-Grey's Anatomy slot at 10 pm.

Traveler's pilot episode (look for a review next week) will then be rebroadcast on May 30th (its original launch date) in the series' regular timeslot, Wednesdays at 10 pm.

Having seen multiple versions of Traveler's pilot over the last year, I can't wait for this summer series to kick off. I'm just itching for something smart, suspenseful, and sleek to watch during the long, hot months of summer.

Caution, Yield Ahead: Eric and Danielle Get Paused Again on "The Amazing Race"

Last night's episode of The Amazing Race was another one of those way too stressful installments, where I found myself perched on the edge of my couch hoping for the defeat of one of my two least favorite teams while hoping that, somehow, Danny and Oswald would make it to next week's leg.

Whew. I feel somewhat conflicted that the producers staged yet another non-elimination round so soon after the last one (that would be, er, last week) but, as it managed to save Danny and Oswald's skin after they arrived at the pit stop in dead last (after encountering the world's worst taxi driver in Macau), I can't be all that angry. Me, I was hoping we'd finally seen the last of the shrilly irritating Danielle and Eric. Alas.

The Yield. Nothing has been more contentious this season on TAR than the usage of those dreaded yellow Yields. The Beauty Queens rightly surmised last night that the Yields are in fact part of the race, a tool to be used as teams see fit. Would it feel terrible to be yielded? Most definitely. But if you're in this game (particularly for these teams who already ran it once before), you should have realized by now that it's not devious or underhanded to use one of the tools that the producers provided you with. Especially when the race for the final three is in its final hours and any lead, no matter how small, is a leg up over the other teams. Eric and Danielle, listen up: it's not personal, it's not underhanded, it's just the game. And you would have yielded the Beauty Queens had you gotten there first, so shut up about it already.

Danny and Oswald. I felt awful that Danny and Oswald found themselves in such an untenable position that they felt they needed to basically prostitute themselves for cash. Still, the idea of selling a Yield was such a brilliant Machiavellian move that I am amazed that no one's come up with the idea before now. Team Cha Cha Cha definitely needed money in order to complete this leg, given all of the expenses incurred with taxis and ferries. But I was hoping that the guys would have stuck to their guns and demanded protection money, rather than offer the girls the opportunity to pick another team to be Yielded. But, honestly, I was hoping the gambit would have led to Eric and Danielle get eliminated. Especially since, Charla and Mirna would have given the boys money with no strings attached. (Or said they would have, since I never actually saw them give them anything when told about their situation.) Would you have done the same thing had you been in Danny and Oswald's position?

Noodles. I definitely thought that the noodle challenge was the way to go though I was freaking out when Dustin and Kandice had to redo their batch after cutting their noodles far too thickly. Fortunately, they still managed to beat Charla and Mirna, who showed up just as they were starting their second batch. I have to say, I really have no idea what Charla and Mirna were doing in the noodle shop. Charla managed to get up onto the work surface with the dough and seemed to be rolling or stomping or something, while Mirna tried to work the rod. The entire affair reminded me completely of the chocolate factory sequence from I Love Lucy. (Was I the only one who thought that?) Add to that the entirely comical scene in which Mirna attempts to drive a miniature car and ends up on the curb, before trying to physically pull the car, and you have pure comedy gold that had me rolling on the floor.

Mirna. I am so over her it's not even funny. Whether she's inventing new accents, punishing Charla (even after the detour ended) for misjudging the thickness of the noodles, or misinterpreting what actually happened with Danny and Oswald and the yield (she blames the Beauty Queens for forcing them to Yield Eric and Danielle), she can never keep her mouth shut. You make Charla do all of the difficult Roadblocks and now you're whining about having to drive the car? Idiocy.

Taxi. Danny and Oswald meanwhile decided to do the dragon and drum detour, which consisting of carrying an ornamental dragon's head and drum 3/4 mile to the lake, where they would receive their next clue. It would have been an easy challenge if they hadn't ended up with the aforementioned world's worst taxi driver, who took them to the end of the detour rather than the start, and then Danny led them to the lake in a completely circuitous route. Compound that with the fact that they then didn't seem to learn from their lesson and decided to use the same taxi driver to lead them to the pit stop and you then begin to understand why they arrived in last place. Not unsurprisingly, the taxi driver took them to the wrong mountain on the island of Taipa, which allowed Eric and Danielle (waiting out their 30 minute penalty) to check in before Team Cha Cha Cha arrived.

Ultimately, I am thrilled that Dustin and Kandice held onto their lead going into the final four (for a third time around!) next week. I'm really hoping that they do manage to become the first all-female team to win TAR. And I'm glad that Danny and Oswald are still in the race. Let's just hope they can pull out of last place and knock Danielle and Eric out of the competition. Fingers crossed...

Next week on The Amazing Race, Charla and Mirna participate in a US military supply drop in Guam, teams face a zero gravity challenge, and Danielle has yet another breakdown during a Roadblock. Will her ineptness finally lead to their elimination? Blurg.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: How I Met Your Mother/The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS); Deal or No Deal (NBC); Everybody Hates Chris/All of Us (CW); Dancing with the Stars (ABC; 8-9:30 pm); Drive (FOX)

9 pm: Two and a Half Men/The King of Queens (CBS); Heroes (NBC); Girlfriends/The Game (CW); The Bachelor (ABC; 9:30-11 pm); 24 (FOX)

10 pm: CSI: Miami (CBS); The Real Wedding Crashers (NBC)

What I'll Be Watching

8 pm: Waking the Dead on BBC America.

It's the return of the stylish smart UK murder investigation series. On tonight's episode, it's a crossover with FX's The Riches! Okay, not quite. But Boyd and his team do investigate the death of a teenage boy, deeply involved with a band of Irish Travelers.

8 pm: Everybody Hates Chris.

On tonight's episode ("Everybody Hates Gambling"), Chris becomes his neighorhood's go-to odds maker when Doc discovers that he has an innate talent for predicting the outcome of sporting events. Naturally, his lucky streak only lasts so long...

8:30 pm: Old Christine.

On tonight's episode ("My Big Fat Sober Wedding), Christine tries to remain sober at a friend's wedding but the lack of liquor doesn't stop her loose lips.

9 pm: 24.

It's Day Six of 24. While FOX doesn't give us much in the way of previews, here's what we do know: Jack is very much on the opposite side of Mike Doyle now that he's gone rogue (again!) to trade some sensitive schematics for the release of Audrey, while Noah Daniels prepares to address the country after assuming the Presidential office and Tom Lennox engages in a personnel shakeup. Hmmm, more Kari Matchett, perhaps?

10 pm: The Riches on FX.

Is anyone else watching new drama The Riches on FX? On tonight's episode ("Virgin Territory"), Wayne and the family return to the Traveler's camp after learing of Earl's, er, death (at the hands of Dale, no less), but Dale has his own plans for the Molloys (involving settling some scores) while Ginny tries to force DiDi and Ken to wed.

"By The Hammer of Thor": Liz Considers a Move to Cleveland on "30 Rock"

Can you believe there's only one episode left of 30 Rock this season? I'm in such complete and utter shock that we've reached the end of Season One (thank god there's already been a renewal) that my bones feel as hollow as those of Jack's latest paramour, the deceitful Phoebe. Ouch.

In any event, it's been a wonderful, magical, surreal ride this season. In the penultimate episode of the season ("Cleveland"), Floyd and Liz took their relationship to the next level, namely a trip to the destination vacation hot spot, Cleveland. Unlike Manhattan, where Liz is tired of having to explain every item in her purse every time she gets on a subway and where a drunken bum spits... in her mouth (ick), Cleveland is the magical place where she can sit in ZZ Top's car, have lunch with Little Richard, and where everyone thinks she's a model because she's so thin. In other words, it's Lemon's idea of paradise.

Floyd. Poor Floyd (Jason Sudeikis) didn't land that dream apartment (which prompted Liz to utter, for the first time, the immortal words, "by the hammer of Thor!") or that promotion after all. Even Jack is sure the Floydster will score the gig, until he sees the competition... Garkle, an African-American man in a wheelchair ("Well played, Garkle"). Ouch. And sure enough when Floyd doesn't get the job, he decides that he's had enough of New York City and accepts a job at the top law firm in Cleveland... and he wants Liz to come with him.

Phoebe. Jack orders Liz to have a girls day out with Jenna and his fiancee Phoebe and they end up having a rather awkward lunch (where Jenna admits she'd have a threesome with two Jacks) and then head to Victoria's Secret, where Jenna collapses in a drunken heap after attempting to try on underwear on top of her clothes and Phoebe tells Liz that, in Paris, Jack fell asleep on top of her during sex. (Though, is it just me, or wouldn't that have crushed her, with the hollow bones and all?) Later, Liz follows Phoebe to a restaurant where she sees her flirting with another rich, older gentleman but can't quite bear to tell Jack about it; Phoebe claims he was a former lover and that was their good-bye but Liz is suspicious. Oh, and Phoebe isn't even remotely British! The accent--and possibly the avian bird syndrome--is as fake as Jenna's hair color. Liz tries to warn Jack, but Phoebe has already clouded his judgment: he thinks Liz is in love with him. Oh, Emily Mortimer, how could you?

Tracy. After making black people look bad, Tracy is convinced that the Black Crusaders (consisting of Bill Cosby, Oprah Winfrey, etc.) are out to get him and, when some of his high-profile comeback projects get cancelled, he high-tails it for Cleveland, where he plans to start a new life. (Cleveland certainly seems nice, with its police horse petting, Little Richard lunches, and clean streets.) But before you can say Dr. Spaceman, he's followed to Cleveland by the Crusaders.

So, what's up with Jack's narcolepsy? Will Liz Lemon accept Floyd's answer (doubtful) or will she turn down the best thing that's happened to her lately and choose Manhattan and The Girly Show? Will we ever find out where Frank gets his hats? And will Dr. Spaceman step in and rescue Tracy from the edge of crazy? Find out next week.

Next week on the season finale of 30 Rock ("Hiatus"), Liz and Floyd try to work out the kinks in their long-distance relationship, Jack's impending wedding brings his mother (guest star Elaine Stritch) to New York, and Kenneth searches for the missing Tracy. (Sniffle, sniffle.)

After Daniel's Ugly Behavior, Betty Finally Punches Out on "Ugly Betty"

Oh, Betty, I've missed you. It seems like forever since we've been able to sit down and watch a new episode of Ugly Betty. Well, maybe not as long as that but I've missed the show's wacky charms enough to feel a twinge of separation anxiety every time I notice there's a repeat on Thursday.

Fortunately, last night's episode of Ugly Betty ("Punch Out") brought us to new levels of loopiness while closing the door on some grating storylines (Constance, anyone?) and it showed us (finally) that Betty had gained enough confidence to not only tell off Christina for accepting Wilhelmina's help (especially given the price) but to tell Daniel that she was off the clock when he once again turned to her for help (after telling her off earlier). Brava, Betty.

Constance. I've loathed this whole Ignacio immigration storyline since its inception way back when in the lousy HMO storyline. But I do have to say that last night's episode did offer one unexpected twist: the off-kilter Constance was completely off her rocker and had been fired two months earlier from her job as an immigration case worker. Instead, she lures Ignacio (or "Nacho") to her apartment in the hopes of meeting his attorney and then proceeds to keep him prisoner. Her plan: to grant Ignacio legal status by marrying him in a quickie wedding ceremony in Atlantic City. Hells, she even has the ghastly powder-blue tux already steamed and ready to go. While Ignacio may have felt bad for the kook (he even had Hilda take a picture of them dressed in their wedding, er, finery), I sided more with Hilda. Make the loon pay and get the police involved. With Constance finally out of the picture, the Ignacio storyline looks to finally wrap up soon with him gaining his green card. Whew.

Amanda. I heart Amanda like nothing else. And the conniving Mode receptionist has more than a few new tricks up her (designer) sleeves, setting her sights on taking down Nick Pepper (Veronica Mars' Deputy Leo, Max Greenfield) and becoming Alexis' new assistant. I loved that she really does know, more than anyone else, what is really going on at Mode: who's sleeping with whom, who's pregnant, etc. and that she really did manage to find Fay's secret "love dungeon," located behind a secret panel in The Closet, but was too distracted by the perfect pair of shoes to even notice that she tripped the switch. Can someone give Becki Newton an Emmy already?

Christina. Leave it to the long-suffer Scottish style to feel guilty for her success. I really did think that the only favors Christina provided for Wilhelmina (who, BTW, was absolutely hysterical in last night's episode as she used live flesh-eating fish to give herself a tingly pedicure in order to seduce Bradford) was turning in that envelope, which incriminated Bradford in Fay's death. But turning over information from every single conversation she has with fellow Mode staffers? That I find hard to stomach. Would Christina really sink so low as passing along intel on everyone to Willie? Even Betty? Hmmm. Still, she looked pretty shocked that Betty would tell her off outside of Prague (the hottest club in NYC that didn't really look all that hot) and walk off, leaving our little Ashley Jensen all sad and alone, but looking mighty beautiful all the same.

Daniel and Betty. Daniel's been in a serious nosedive since Alexis came back and took over running Mode; he's returned to his former debauched playboy ways and has been living it up, albeit in a rather sad sack, spinning-out-of-control purple shirt-wearing way. Last night's episode finally featured a showdown between Betty and Daniel as she tried to protect him (wrongfully) from the machinations of gossip hound/celebrity expose writer Quincy Combs (Leslie Jordan, in yet another scene-stealing role, channelling Truman Capote perhaps?). Daniel railed against Betty's overprotective, micro-managing of his life and cruelly told her off in the club, telling her in no uncertain terms that they weren't friends and Betty's job ended when she clocked out at the end of the day. (Um, what about all of those late night phone calls and cries from help from Daniel then, huh?)

So it was only fitting when, in another unforeseen plot twist, those Russian model sisters that Daniel was busy bedding turned out to be a grifting mother and daughter, who used the fact that Daniel slept with the 16-year-old Petra (oops) as a means of blackmailing him into giving her a Mode cover. Daniel, naturally, turns to Betty to get him out of this mess, but the new Betty Suarez has grown a spine and tells Ignacio to tell him that she's punched out. That's my girl!

Next week on Ugly Betty ("Petra-Gate"), Betty goes out of her way to avoid former friends Daniel, Christina and Henry, Amanda flirts with a designer she assumes is gay, and Alexis is asked out on her first date as a woman.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: The Ghost Whisperer (CBS); Identity (NBC); WWE Friday Night SmackDown (CW; 8-10 pm); Grey's Anatomy (ABC); House (FOX)

9 pm: Close to Home (CBS); Raines (NBC); Wife Swap (ABC); Bones (FOX)

10 pm: NUMB3RS (CBS); Law & Order (NBC); 20/20 (ABC)

What I'll Be Watching

10 pm: 20/20.

What's that you say? 20/20? On tonight's episode of the long-running newsmagazine, it's "Seven ways to Help the World," and if you're not feeling more than a little guilty after watching the brilliant An Inconvenient Truth to tune in, something's very wrong.

10-11 pm: Clatterford on BBC America (9 pm ET)

It's the final episode of Jennifer Saunders' new series Clatterford. On tonight's episode ("Christmas Special"), the whole town comes together to put on one of those particular English Christmas time diversions: the pantomime.

"Future Crap": Demond Finds Himself in a Catch-22 on "Lost"

Ah, Desmond. I don't envy you in the least. When you're not spending your time trying to save the life of