WB Plans to Sign Off By Looking Back at Long-Gone Hits

Former WB watchers, mark your calendars. It's time to say goodbye.

Those of us who can remember a day when the WB was the place to catch vampire slayers, randy teens, and preoccupied college girls with amazing hair will undoubtedly want to tune in to the WB on September 17th for the netlet's send-off.

Variety is reporting that, before the WB and UPN morph into a single entity, the WB is taking a trip down memory lane and airing the original episodes of the network's long-gone critical darlings Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the two-hour pilot), Dawson's Creek, Felicity, and Angel in a single block. The event will occur on Sunday, September 17th, the night before the offical launch of the CW, from 5 pm to 10 pm.

The WB's sign-off schedule, which will include classic promos from the netlet's 11 year history, is as follows:

5 pm: Felicity ("Pilot")
6 pm: Angel ("City of...")
7 pm: Buffy the Vampire Slayer ("Welcome to the Hellmouth"/"The Harvest")
9 pm: Dawson's Creek ("Pilot")

I don't know about you, but I've marked my calendar.

From Across the Pond: "Spaced"

Here in the States, we've only recently embraced (to a certain extent anyway) the zany madcap nature that's found in a plentiful number of British television comedies. Shows like Arrested Development, Scrubs, Andy Richter Controls the Universe, and My Name is Earl come close to approximating that surreal humor of Britcoms like Brittas Empire, Black Books, or my latest favorite find: Spaced, a 1999 comedy that recently started its run on BBC America.

The above three shows take simple concepts that could have easily lent themselves to traditional, mundane situation comedy--man runs a leisure center (Brittas Empire), man runs a failing bookstore (Black Books), couple moves in together (Spaced)--but instead turns them on their heads, creating a topsy-turvy world for their obliviously, confused, or misanthropic characters to inhabit. The result is often pure comedy gold, the sort of thing that we Stateside are only just now beginning to experiment with, but which has been a hallmark of British comedy for some time now (check out the classic Blackadder series or Red Dwarf for more examples). And while it's taken us seven long years to be able to catch a glimpse of Spaced, it's been well worth the wait.

Created by and written by stars Simon Pegg and Jessica Stevenson (and directed by Shaun of the Dead director Edgar Wright), Spaced operates off a very simple premise that in other, less confident hands, could have turned into a formulaic sitcom. Dumped by his girlfriend Sarah (Monarch of the Glen and Hex's Anna Wilson-Jones), sad sack would-be comic artist Tim Bisley (Shaun of the Dead's Pegg) has nowhere to go, until he meets Daisy Steiner (Shaun of the Dead's Stevenson), a sad sack would-be journalist who's also temporarily homeless. After bonding over two weeks' worth of coffee, the two stumble onto a listing for a furnished flat; the only problem is that the owner will only rent it to a professional couple. So Tim and Daisy do the only thing that anyone in their situation would do: they lie.

In a brilliant extended sequence, the newly minted "couple" rundown every obscure bit of trivia they've learned about one another... all before exchanging names. Managing to woo kooky landlady Marsha Klein (Julia Deakin), they land the flat and move in together. As they settle into (fake) domesticated bliss, they're forced to keep up the pretense that they're a couple, a burden weighed even further by the biting sexual tension that exists between them. In fact, it's perfectly obvious that these two bizarro individuals are meant for one another.

Tim and Daisy's world is further complicated by a series of odd friends and acquaintances. Tim's best friend Mike(Shaun of the Dead's Nick Frost) is an obsessive gun nut who brings a pistol to their housewarming party "for security"; Daisy's catty best friend Twist (Katy Carmichael) claims to work in fashion but the closest she comes is her job in a dry cleaners. Meanwhile, landlady Marsha (Deakin) is a single mum who can talk for hours about her deadbeat ex-husband who chose his dog over her, while neighbor Brian (Mark Heap) is a freakish and paranoid artist/potential serial killer with a penchant for walking around in the nude and a history with/intense fear of Marsha.

The first two episodes (which aired last week) were a perfect introduction to that off-kilter world of Tim and Daisy's, a world in which visual gags are not only extended but also fiendishly intricate, like the hilarious Scooby Doo gag in which Tim and Daisy claim to have always pretended to be Fred and Daphne but are instead the spitting image of Shaggy and Velma (seriously). It's a world in which Daisy can plod away at her typewriter, seemingly writing a novel, when only two and a half minutes have gone by. One in which Daisy thinks that everyone, from Tim to her paperboy, is offering her drugs... or where a pair of terrifying twin girls cleans the flat's cupboards and speaks in a haunting and monotone unison. (Trust me, they're creepy, a fact that director Edgar Wright plays up in true horror movie style.)

Quick cutaways, fantasy sequences, flashbacks, and elaborate title cards are the buzzwords of this show, yet it never feels as though Spaced has sacrificed story for too many bells and whistles. Instead, the elaborate shots, Gen X homages, and quirky encounters speed by at a hilarious and fast-paced click. The series is deftly anchored by writer-stars Simon Pegg and Jessica Stevenson, whose easy rapport and quick wit is instantly evidenced. Tim and Daisy may be wacky, but they're instantly likeable and relatable. While you might not want to move in with them, everyone can either associate with them or has a Tim or Daisy in their life. And given the state of the world right now, it's rather comforting to see other twentysomethings struggle for their dreams. Tim dreams of being a comic book artist but the cloest he's come is a homemade comic called "The Bear" about a mutated teenager and a job at a local comics shop, run by Black Books' Bill Bailey. Daisy dreams of being a journalist and being surrounded by "media types," but instead she's.... actually, I'm still not entirely sure what Daisy does.

Each episode instantly leaves you wanting more and, unfortunately, after sucking me in with two back-to-back episodes last week, BBC America is now only airing one episode of Spaced a week. But I figure that if I waited seven years to see this hilarious and surreal comedy, I can wait another week to get my next fix.

"Spaced" airs Friday evenings at 11 pm ET/8 pm PT on BBC America.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: Ghost Whisperer (CBS); Dateline (NBC); What I Like About You/Twins (WB); America's Funniest Home Videos (ABC); 24 (FOX); WWE Friday Night Smackdown (UPN)

9 pm: Close to Home (CBS); Las Vegas (NBC); Reba/Living with Fran (WB); Kyle XY (ABC) , 24 (FOX)

10 pm: NUMB3RS (CBS); Law & Order (NBC); 20/20 (ABC)

What I'll Be Watching

8 pm: Spaced on BBC America. (11 pm ET)

See above. It's another episode of the wacky 1999 Britcom starring Shaun of the Dead's Simon Pegg and Jessica Stevenson. On tonight's episode ("Art"), Daisy's world is turned upside down when she goes on a job interview.

8:30 pm: Peep Show on BBC America. (11:30 pm ET)

One of my favorite single-camera British comedies returns Stateside for a second season of twisted and bizarre episodes. Peep Show charts the daily lives of dysfunctional losers Mark and Jeremy from both of their POVs, including every drunken rambling and sick, sick occurrence. On tonight's episode, Mark believes that true love means hacking into would-be lover Sophie's email account, while Jeremy deals with an American girlfriend (guest star Rachel Blanchard). It's funny and it's so sick at times that you may just need to take a shower afterwards.

9 pm: Black Books on BBC America. (Midnight ET)

BBC America continues its reairing of the second season of the brilliant Britcom Black Books, which stars Dylan Moran and Bill Bailey. In tonight's episode ("Fever"), Bernard needs a girlfriend, while Fran experiences insomnia from the heat wave. Just trust me and watch it, you'll thank me in the morning.

11:20 pm: The Catherine Tate Show on BBC America. (10:20 pm ET)

Later on BBC America, it's another episode of the new season of The Catherine Tate Show. Who's Catherine Tate? Why, she might just be the heir to Tracy Ullman's sketch comedy throne.

Four Is the Perfect Number After All: HBO's "Entourage"

I'm really not sure about Entourage's new character Dom.

After all, it's taken me this long to stop getting annoyed every time that Turtle appears on-screen. But Entourage's producers have seen it fit to introduce a fifth wheel into the Entourage gang (not counting Ari, of course): namely ex-felon Dom (guest star Domenick Lombardozzi of The Wire), who made his first appearance in Sunday night's episode ("Dominated"). Whether Dom will be staying permanently is anybody's guess, but Vince has already given him the illustrious job of head of security... despite the fact that he's the biggest security risk since that loon Chapman wandered up to the Dakota.

I get the fact that Dom is supposed to invite trouble and shake things up for Vince and the boys, but, at the same time, I can only really handle one annoying Entourage player at a time and that role has been filled by Turtle since the very beginning. That said, it was amusing to see Eric, Drama, and Turtle all get bent out of shape about Dom usurping their roles within the group. Drama is the chef, Turtle the driver, and Eric the confidante; Dom is just... baggage. Baggage with a criminal record and a penchant for walking around the Beverly Hills manse in the nude.

To me, Entourage has always been more about the relationship(s) between these four guys than the guest star of the week. Plus, I'd much rather that any conflicts come from within the group itself, rather than from an outsider who has wandered onto the series. While that doesn't mean that the show can't include characters from their pasts resurfacing and stirring things up, the inclusion of Dom just felt a little too... "tv-ish" for lack of a better word. We'd never heard of the guy and suddenly he's broken into Vince's home and is watching porn on his sofa. (Did it strike anyone else as a too convenient and a little too scripted?)

Otherwise, Entourage's third season has been a fantastic ride (except for a little awkwardness in the premiere episode, but then again, all of their season premieres have been stilted) and I'm happy to see that supporting players Shauna (Debi Mazar) and Mrs. Ari (Perrey Reeves) seem to be getting some character development. While I love the guys, it's great to see the show continue to invest as much time into the people around them as the foursome themselves (which is why I'd rather not have a brand new character in the mix).

Additionally, it's fantastic to see Vince (Adrian Grenier) suddenly become the biggest star in the world after the box office success of his James Cameron-directed feature Aquaman, but I hope that Vince doesn't become too big for his britches. That said, I'd prefer Entourage stick to the insider's perspective of the industry and leave Dom's soap operatics to other series. It's far more interesting to see the gang negotiate the trecherous waters of Hollywood life than negotiate with a naked felon.

Let's hope that something--other than the Dominator--comes along to trip up the Golden Boys a little, because we don't want this entourage turning into an actual success story. At least, not quite yet. After all, it took Entourage exec producer Mark Wahlberg a while to ditch the Funky Bunch and score an Italian Job.

"Entourage" airs Sunday evenings at 10 pm ET/PT on HBO; episodes are also available on HBO On Demand.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: Gameshow Marathon (CBS); My Name is Earl/The Office (NBC); Smallville (WB); Master of Champions (ABC); That '70s Show/That '70s Show (FOX); Everybody Hates Chris/Love, Inc. (UPN)

9 pm: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (CBS); My Name is Earl/The Office (NBC); Supernatural (WB); Primetime (ABC; 9-11 pm); So You Think You Can Dance (FOX); Eve/Cuts (UPN)

10 pm: Without a Trace (CBS); Windfall (NBC)

What I'll Be Watching

7 pm: Hex on BBC America. (10 pm ET)

Still rather unimpressed by Hex but there's little else on at this time. On tonight's episode ("The Release"), Azazeal's plans for Cassie become clear. And let's just be clear, they don't include marriage, right? Right?

8-9 pm: My Name is Earl/The Office.

On tonight's repeat episode ("Stole a Badge"), Earl attempts to return a police badge he had stolen years earlier. Then on a repeat of The Office ("Christmas Party"), an office tradition of Secret Santa turns bitter when Michael suggests a game of Yankee Swap instead.

9-10 pm: My Name is Earl/The Office.

An hour later, it's the same tasty combo again. On another repeat episode of Earl ("BB"), Earl tries to reunite a former flame with her estranged father. And then it's my very favorite episode of The Office ("The Injury"), in which Michael injures his foot on a George Foreman grill and disrupts the entire office, while Dwight has a personality change from a car accident. If you didn't download the episode from iTunes (thanks to a rather nifty free download card in Variety), here's your chance to put this on your TiVo until the DVD comes out in September.

10 pm: 5 Takes: Pacific Rim on the Travel Channel.

On tonight's installment of 5 Takes: Pacific Rim ("Vote: Thailand or Cambodia"), the reality/travel show I just can't say enough about, the gang sets off--depending on the results of the viewer poll--for either Thailand or Cambodia, their final destination before heading home. I'm getting sad just thinking about this wonderful series coming to an end as we say goodbye to Gabe, Renee, Tony, Tiffany, and Josh. I'm going to miss you guys...

FOX Backs Off "The OC" While Circling Dead Pilots

Variety is reporting that FOX has quietly cut its episodic commitment to struggling teen soap The OC from the standard 22 episodes per season to a shorter 16-episode run. According to Variety, a FOX network spokesperson "attributed the cutback to the net's scheduling needs. The OC won't have its season premiere until Nov. 2--about a month after most FOX shows--and therefore, the reasoning goes, net won't need as many episodes in the can."

One need not have the mathematic skills of dearly departed Marissa Cooper to figure out that if The OC begins on November 2nd and airs all 16 episodes, the series will end its run at the end of February. It would, however, leave plenty of room for FOX to launch a new series in The OC's timeslot, although tough competition from timeslot fellows CSI and Grey's Anatomy will make that a rather difficult feat.

In other news, FOX has also gave a potential spark of life back to several pilots believed to be dead. Following yesterday's announcement about options being renewed on cast members involved with FOX dramas Damages and Beyond, the network has also renewed options on the regulars on hostage negotiator drama Faceless. Additionally, several cast members on FOX comedies The 12th Man and The Adventures of Big Handsome Guy and His Little Friend also had their options renewed.

While, again, the above news doesn't signify a commitment on the part of the network to order these pilots to series, it does mean that FOX is at least considering it. Variety reported that FOX's options on these actors run through the end of December, giving FOX a few months to weigh the decision.

TV (Not) on DVD

My living room bookcases haven't known what's hit them lately, with all of the many television-on-DVD, well, DVDs, that I've been loaded them with. Yet, despite the sheer quantities that I've managed to gather, everything from Gilmore Girls and Buffy the Vampire Slayer to The Vicar of Dibley and Monarch of the Glen (with more than a few Justice League animated DVDs in between), there are still a few series that for whatever reason haven't quite made the jump to the digital.

So which series I am most desperate to own on DVD? Below are my top five (okay, six) picks for the most criminally unavailable television series on DVD.

Andy Richter Controls the Universe

Whenever I ask people which television series they would most like to see on DVD, this is invariably the answer I receive and I couldn't agree more. A critically acclaimed yet short-lived Fox series (is there any other kind?), Andy Richter Controls the Universe was a zany single-camera comedy WAY ahead of its time. The series starred Andy Richter as, well, Andy Richter, a mild-mannered technical writer (and aspiring short story writer) working for a large nefarious corporation that was haunted by the ghost of its bigoted founder (like I said, zany). Andy's universe was pretty much his office and his days consisted mainly of daydreaming and interacting with his fellow prisoners--I mean co-workers: snappish supervisor Jessica (Paget Brewster), nerdy Bryon (Jonathan Slavin), suave ladies' man Keith (James Patrick Stewart), and gorgeous receptionist Wendy (Irene Molloy). What other show could brag about having its lead wear a puppy coat (yes, a coat whose many, many pockets were filled with adorable puppies) or daydream about crushing an old lady's skull into a diamond to impress the object of his affections? Just Andy Richter Controls the Universe. So, Paramount, what do you say about bringing this cult comedy fave to DVD already?

Twin Peaks

A girl wrapped in plastic. A coffee-swilling FBI agent obsessed with cherry pie. A town of kooks so odd that any of them could have been guilty of murder. I'm talking about David Lynch's groundbreaking series Twin Peaks, a show so creepy that it gave my thirteen-year-old mind nightmares for years.

Before I get any angry emails pointing out that Twin Peaks' first season is available on DVD, let me clarify. Yes, now defunct studio Artisan did release the series' first season on DVD a few years ago, but they neglected to include David Lynch's brilliant and intoxicating two-hour pilot on the box set (it was a rights issue, apparently) and the studio was purchased by Lionsgate before season two was ever released. Gord Lacey's site TVonDVD.com continues to keep me updated about the series' future on DVD and about Paramount taking over releasing Twin Peaks on disc. Hopefully we'll see the surreal mystery-drama's second season hit stores this fall. But if it were up to me (which, sadly, it's not), I'd have them release the entire series (including that pilot, available on DVD only via Chinese bootleg) in one big deluxe box set, with a few retrospective bonus features. (No need to include feature film Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me, though; I'd rather pretend it didn't exist.)

Grosse Point

Poor Irene Molloy. Neither of her series (see Andy Richter, above) have made it to DVD. But for those of you who can remember, Grosse Point was a fun, rather tongue-in-cheek WB satire about the behind-the-scenes goings-on at a Beverly Hills 90210-esque teen drama. Created by Darren Star (Sex and the City), it starred Irene Molloy as the vicious star of the fictional high school drama "Grosse Point," along with Bonnie Somerville, Lindsay Sloane, Al Santos, Kohl Sudduth, and Kyle Howard.

Clever and at times scathingly on target, Grosse Point barely lasted a season (17 episodes were produced) but I'm constantly reminded about this series. Sony controls the rights (it was produced by Michael Ovitz's now defunct Artists Television Group) and there's been a bit of a back-and-forth about a release date, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the show finally makes it onto DVD.

Melrose Place

Is there another show that best represents television in the 1990s? Okay, maybe there is, but does it also feature advertising agency backstabbing, bedroom hopping, and a psychotic bomb-loving redhead who's clearly seen too many episodes of Twin Peaks? Not to mention an extremely affordable, centrally located apartment complex with a shared pool and the most gorgeous people you've ever seen...

While reruns of the seminal nighttime soap appear to air nearly every day of the week on one cable network or another, I'd love to revisit Melrose Place from the very beginning. Remember when Billy (Andrew Shue) was an aspiring dancer? Or original cast members Amy Locaine and Vanessa L. Williams? (Hint: they were replaced early by Heather Locklear's Amanda.) Or when Michael (Thomas Calabro) was actually nice? So wouldn't it be nice to start humming that familiar instrumental scene, check out those cheesy nighttime shots of Los Angeles' Melrose Avenue, and catch up with Billy and Alison, Jake and Amanda, Sydney and Michael, and the rest of the Melrose Place gang?

Brittas Empire and Jonathan Creek

Two British television shows sadly overlooked thus far by the BBC for Region 1 DVD treatment. Brittas Empire was an indescribably bizarre comedy about Gordon Brittas (Red Dwarf's Christopher Barrie), the overbearing, insensitive, and generally oblivious manager of a suburban leisure center whose behavior was so intolerable that he drove his poor wife to adultery, alcohol, and copious amounts of prescription medication. Throw in a support staff of equally bizarre individuals--a homeless, single-mother receptionist who keeps her children in her desk drawers, a (barely) closeted gay couple, and a deputy manager with oozing facial pustules--and you have the recipe for a hilarious comedy about the murder, mayhem, and frequent disasters of the Whitbury New Town Leisure Center.

In an entirely different direction, Jonathan Creek was a brilliant mystery drama series about Jonathan Creek (played with humor by Alan Davies), an illusionist who designs large-scale magical acts for famous magician Adam Klaus (Stewart Milligan, though Buffy's Anthony Stewart Head played him in the pilot). Jonathan's skills lend themselves to breaking down and solving seemingly impossible crimes, which are baffling in their very complexity. Along for the ride is Jonathan's friend/love interest, Madeline "Maddy" Magellan (Caroline Quentin), an intrepid reporter with a nose for trouble. Imagine Mulder and Scully with a little less sex appeal and a plethora of neuroses and you're nearly there. (Fortunately, when co-star Caroline Quentin departed after the third season, Jonathan Creek's producers cleverly brought in Absolutely Fabulous' Julia Sawalha to replace her.) Agatha Christie would have loved the series' fascination with a that crime novel staple: the locked room mystery. Just as Jonathan and Maddy ingenuously solve each episode's puzzles, it's astonishing to think about how Jonathan Creek creator David Renwick dreamed them up in the first place. Jonathan Creek is smart, funny, and genuinely charming mystery drama, so why the bloody hell isn't it on DVD yet?

Did I miss anything? What other television shows are you desperate for on DVD?

What's On Tonight

8 pm: Shark: Mind of a Demon with Fabien Cousteau (CBS); America's Got Talent (NBC); Blue Collar TV/Blue Collar TV (WB); George Lopez/Freddie (ABC); So You Think You Can Dance (FOX; 8-10 pm); One on One/All of Us (UPN)

9 pm: Criminal Minds (CBS); America's Got Talent (NBC); One Tree Hill (WB); Lost (ABC); Eve/Cuts (UPN)

10 pm: CSI: New York (CBS); Law & Order (NBC); Lost (ABC)

What I'll Be Watching

10 pm: Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares on BBC America (9 pm ET).

If Monday night's Hell's Kitchen wasn't enough Gordon Ramsay for you, here's your chance to catch him again. On tonight's episode of Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares ("Sandgate"), Gordon attempts to save The Sandgate, a hotel and restaurant, from financial ruin as a burnt out chef nearly suffers a nervous breakdown from being forced to cook for four restaurants at once and the owners are completely clueless about how to run a successful eating establishment. Can Gordon save The Sandgate from itself?

Bravo Confirms Televisionary Scoop: Katie Lee Joel HAS Packed Her Knives After All

As I reported last week, news had reached my ears that Top Chef host/automaton Katie Lee Joel would not be returning to Bravo's hit culinary reality series for a second season.

It's always vindicating when a story you've broken (and which subsequently was picked up by most entertainment websites) is confirmed to be true. So it tickled me pink when Bravo finally confirmed my story about Katie Lee Joel today, via Bravo's Vice President of Production and Programming Andy Cohen's blog:

"I want to address something you may have heard, that Katie Lee Joel wont be joining us next season on Top Chef. It is unfortunately true that Katie has left us to pursue other opportunities. She is a dynamic, beautiful woman who is passionate about food with a real zest for life. Everybody at Top Chef is going to miss her next season but she will always be part of the Bravo family."

Quite possibly because Bravo has wisely already constructed a thousand clones of Ms. Joel, a la Battlestar Galactica's Cylons. Let's just hope they haven't performed the same procedure with Top Chef loser Tiffani. Because that would be scary.

I especially liked how unofficial Bravo spokesman Andy Cohen dropped a culinary metaphor in there to describe Katie Lee Joel's passion for food ("a real zest for life"). Too bad he neglected to mention that she was about as dull as as a used knife and never really seemed like the sharpest one in the drawer to begin with...

Top Chef's second season was announced by Bravo last month, but no return date has been set for the series' ten-episode sophomore season.

UPDATE: Bravo has announced that Padma Lakshmi has replaced Joel as the new host of Top Chef.

Marvel's Civil War: I'm with Locke

Comic publisher Marvel's company-wide event "Civil War" has gotten a lot of attention in the mainstream press, including in that bastion of old school journalism, The New York Times. The highly political (and socially relevant) storyline involves the implementation of a Superhero Registration Act, forcing masked vigilantes--and all superheroes--to be registered, trained, and placed on governmental payroll... or be arrested. On opposing sides of the issue are longtime Marvel mainstays Captain America and Iron Man, whose disagreement has caused a crisis of conscience in the Marvel U.

While I've seen a lot of "Civil War" banners touting "I'm with Iron Man" (pro-registration) or "I'm with Captain America" (anti-registration), I found the below image the ideal one for me, as it combined my love of sweeping comic crossovers with my all-consuming obsession with ABC's Lost.

Personally, I think Locke would be in the battle for himself. Unless, of course, there was some larger, haunted island aspect of the registration issue that had been undisclosed until now. Krakatoa, perhaps?

Dead Pilots Not Quite So Dead at ABC and FOX?

It seems in Hollywood, dead doesn't always mean dead.

The Hollywood Reporter has learned that several passed-over pilots have secretly extended actor option deals, indicating that there may be life left in some of these believed-to-be-deceased shows. These pilots include ABC's Secrets of a Small Town, October Road, and A House Divided, as well as FOX dramas Damages and Beyond.

Options on Damages stars Cole Hauser and Sarah Shahi were picked up. However, one of the pilot's others stars has already been cast in another FOX drama pilot. Kristin Lehman (Killer Instinct) recently signed on to star in Tim Minear's faux reality series Drive (think a fictionalized version of The Amazing Race), which is said to be under consideration at the network for early 2007. (Lehman joins an ensemble cast that includes Ivan Sergei, Shawn Hatosy, Alan Ruck, Melanie Lynskey, Taryn Manning, Nicholas Lea, and Brian Bloom, among others.)

Does this mean that audiences will get to see the above series hit the airwaves sometime next season? Not necessarily, but it does mean that their respective networks aren't ready to close the coffin on them quite yet.

Babysitting the Kids in "Hell's Kitchen"

If you missed the first half of last night's episode of Hell's Kitchen, I think the below video aptly sums up the chaos and confusion. "Restaurant" Hell's Kitchen held its first lunch service and opened its doors to an army of screaming, sugar-jonesing demon children who promptly trashed the place.



That pretty much covers it. Well, except for the fact that Rachel confused egg wash with egg whites and begged for ice, Virginia flirted with Gordon Ramsay like a teenage coquette, and Sara acted a thousand times more immature and irritating than any one of the above children as she continued to sabotage her own team...

Meanwhile, Heather had her hands full with the "kids" on her new team. The guys didn't seem to do much better than the women, though Heather's presence seemed to rein them in a little at first, but soon the team returned to its typical devices: Tom started a kitchen fire, Garrett sent out food without tasting it for seasoning, and everyone brought down Gordon Ramsay's ire.

Like I said after Week One, my money's on sous chef Heather to win this competition. Anyone else ends up with their very own restaurant and I'd think that Gordon had gone soft. And we don't want that, now do we?

What's On Tonight

8 pm: NCIS (CBS); Fear Factor (NBC); Gilmore Girls (WB); According to Jim/According to Jim(ABC); House (FOX); America's Next Top Model (UPN)

9 pm: The Unit (CBS); Last Comic Standing (NBC); Pepper Dennis (WB); According to Jim/According to Jim (ABC); House (FOX); Veronica Mars (UPN)

10 pm: 48 Hours Mystery (CBS); Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC); Boston Legal (ABC)

What I'll Be Watching

8-10 pm: Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List on Bravo.

Honestly, I keep forgetting that this series is on, but everyone I know won't shut up about it. Catch last week's episode at 8 pm and then a brand-new episode at 9 pm, where Kathy's trip to Iraq to entertain the troops reaches a conclusion. Kathy Griffin... in Iraq? I am so there.

Pilot Inspektor: CBS' "Smith"

I may just have to change my original "What I'll Be Watching This Fall" post, as I sat down and finally watched CBS' new crime drama Smith this weekend. (What? It's taken me a long time to make my way through the stack of pilot DVDs.) While it's on following Gilmore Girls and Veronica Mars on Tuesday nights (10 pm ET/PT, to be exact), I'm going to be sure to leave enough room on my TiVo to make sure that I catch this compelling, amoral drama.

While one can't help but be impressed by what might just be the most marquee-friendly cast in primetime--Ray Liotta, Virginia Madsen, Jonny Lee Miller, Amy Smart, Simon Baker, and Franky G all star and Shohreh Aghdashloo has a recurring role--the pilot's premise alone earned major points in my book: it's a crime drama from the point of view of the criminals, who engage in high-stakes heists. But don't be alarmed; it's nothing like NBC's short-lived Heist. Instead, think of it as The Italian-American Job. Still co-starring Franky G, but without all of those adorable Mini Coopers everywhere.

Ray Liotta stars as Bobby, a married family man whose job for a plastic cup manufacturer is a disguise for his life as a crime mastermind. (The scene where Bobby kisses his wife goodbye, drives his sensible car to a secret apartment and opens up a treasure chest of gadgets before zooming off in a sweet ride is priceless.) Bobby is your typical reluctant thief; three or four more big jobs and he's out. He swears. Bobby wants a normal life, but how can you go from plotting elaborate heists to picking the kids up from soccer practice? Fortunately, Bobby's wife Hope (Virginia Madsen) isn't one of those clueless wives unaware of her husband's illicit schemes. Instead, Hope has a number of secrets of her own, including a rather drug-fueled felonious past herself, and she's onto what Bobby's been up to by the end of the pilot.

What Bobby is up to is the theft of two priceless paintings from a museum in Pittsburgh; the payment is a cool $2 million. And so Bobby quickly assembles his loyal team, each of whom brings their own set of skills (and drama): surfer/marksman Jeff (Simon Baker in a virtuoso performance); straight-from-jail Brit Tom (Jonny Lee Miller); gambling addict/tech guy Sean (Mike Doyle); sultry Vegas showgirl Annie (an icy Amy Smart); and body shop-owner Joe (Franky G). Don't get too attached to all of them though, as one of the above doesn't make it out of the pilot alive. (One guess who.) Adding to the tension is the fact that Tom and Annie have a history together, one that landed him in the slammer. And while he's willing to fall for her seductions, I have a feeling that Tom is also out for revenge.

I won't recount the action of the heist, just that it typically doesn't go quite according to plan and when criminals are forced to improvise, the results are usually bloody. Smith is no different in this respect but, fortunately, the gang (most of them anyway) are able to make a getaway in order to plan another caper for another day.

All of Smith's actors are operating at the top of their game. Liotta is a joy to watch in a nuanced double role; part gun-wielding felon, part piano-playing husband and father. He appears calm and controlled sitting at the piano, an unlit cigarette dangling from his lips, but in the next scene, his predatory drive emanates from him palpably. Likewise, Madsen is far from underused in her role of Hope, also playing two distinct personalities inhabiting the same body. The transformation that overtakes her when she realizes that Bobby is back in the game is so subtle yet powerful, as she becomes increasingly aware of being kept in the dark. (I don't know how Smith's producers managed to snag Madsen, but I hope they realize what a gem they have on their hands.)

Jonny Lee Miller is perfect as a morose and crushed felon who wanders right back into the thieving business less than a minute after walking out of prison. Amy Smart's Annie is a cold-blooded mercenary; she's as slick as silk and never misses a trick. That said, she's as brutal and deadly as a black widow. Shohreh Aghdashloo is brilliant as the gang's elegant, high-end fence; attending a wedding reception, she purrs and smiles as she and Bobby casually discuss a heist in the same way two others might a cocktail party. Even Franky G doesn't bother me as he usually does; here he plays an upstanding body shop owner with his eye on his best friend's wife.

But the real find here has got to be Simon Baker. It's simply impossible to take your eyes off his character Jeff, whether he's surfing in Hawaii or kicking a cat across the room (don't ask). There's a leonine grace about him and just as much presence. Previously known for his work on CBS' The Guardian and feature films like The Ring 2 and Land of the Dead, Baker's performance in Smith has redefined him as a star and I expect him to be one of the breakout actors of this fall.

One of the interesting elements of Smith is the show's skewed perspective. By coming at a crime drama from the POV of the criminals, I was expecting to find them somewhat neutered and completely sympathetic individuals (see Ocean's Eleven if you're looking for that). Instead, while we get to see Bobby and Company go about their daily lives and interact with family and friends, they are portrayed as genuinely bad guys. They're not above murder to achieve their ends; in fact, Jeff casually takes out two men with a sniper rifle in his very first scene after they shoo him off a "private" beach. Jeff and Annie might very well be sociopaths (see how Annie greets an "old friend" en route to the heist for an example). In the end, these are not cuddly criminals; rather, they're people you do not want to mess around with.

With Smith, John Wells (ER) has delivered a taut, gripping crime drama with genuine thrills and complex characters usually found in feature films than in television dramas. Every aspect of the pilot was magnificent, from the dazzling cast to the sparse script and tight direction. Clocking in at well over an hour, I'm not sure how much of this amazing pilot will make it on the air (unless CBS stuns us all by airing the entire pilot in a 1 1/2 hour slot), but the effect is breathtaking. Every line of dialogue, every glance, every moment of silence, is loaded with meaning and intent, yet the pilot never feels slow or overstuffed, despite its long runtime.

In fact, my only complaint is that Smith's title is so lackluster that it doesn't convey the energy and crackle of the show at all. (It refers to the nom du guerre given to Bobby by the FBI agents assigned to the museum case.) But that's a small issue for such a mightily entertaining show to overcome. So, while Liotta's Bobby might not be an Everyman, this is one Smith that definitely will stand apart from the pack.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: The King of Queens/How I Met Your Mother (CBS); Treasure Hunters (NBC); 7th Heaven (WB); Wife Swap (ABC); Hell's Kitchen (FOX); Major League Baseball (UPN)

9 pm: Two and a Half Men/The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS); Treasure Hunters (NBC); 7th Heaven (WB); Supernanny (ABC); Hell's Kitchen (FOX)

10 pm: CSI: Miami (CBS); Medium (NBC); How to Get the Guy (ABC)

What I'll Be Watching

8-9 pm: Spaced on BBC America.

If you missed Friday's Stateside premiere of the 1999 sitcom Spaced (starring Shaun of the Dead's Simon Pegg), here's your chance to catch the first two episodes before another episode airs Friday. In the first episode ("Beginnings"), Tim (that would be Pegg) and Daisy are forced to pose as a couple in order to rent an apartment. On the second episode ("Gatherings"), Daisy and Tim decide to host a party a their new flat.

9 pm: Hell's Kitchen.

On tonight's installment ("8 Chefs"), Gordon switches the seriously uneven teams up a bit. And, it's a Hell's Kitchen first: the restaurant is open for lunch service and they're serving... children. If you thought that Top Chef's cafeteria challenge was a disaster, wait until the Hell's Kitchen crew fail to get their entrees out. There's no way I would miss this. And the idea of seeing Gordon Ramsay interacting with small children? Well, that just makes me shriek with glee.

9 pm: Treasure Hunters.

On tonight's episode--no, sorry, I just cannot watch it. After seeing the premiere, this is definitely one summertime offering that I'll be skipping out on.

11 pm: Lovespring International on Lifetime.

On tonight's episode, Lydia (Wendi McLendon-Covey) and Victoria (Jane Lynch) go on a stakeout together in order to receive a bonus check from a client. Until you've seen McLendon-Covey attempting to scale a chain-link fence in heeled boots, you haven't lived. Trust me.

"Lucky Louie" Could Use More Humor Than Luck

I had high hopes for Lucky Louie, HBO's answer to the traditional sitcom of yesteryear. After all, HBO had redefined the television drama and sitcom, dazzling us with such forms as the mobster drama, the family drama, the single girl in the city dramedy, and, um, the western cowboy drama. But could HBO pull off a traditional sitcom? I was curious to see how it would hold up, given the pay cabler's typically high standards. After all, as they say, it's not TV, it's HBO.

Coming on the heels of a small renaissance of single-camera comedies like Arrested Development, Scrubs, The Office, and My Name is Earl, HBO's Lucky Louie is a throwback to the artificial lighting and three-sided set design of the classic multi-camera sitcom. And yes, it even is filmed before a live studio audience, as we're reminded at the start of each episode. I only wish the audience would stop cackling at every f-bomb dropped by the show's star, stand-up comedian Louis C.K. They really shouldn't encourage him like that.

Series creator Louis C.K. is the titular Louie, a downtrodden family man in a low-rent neighborhood whose few pleasures involve, um, pleasuring himself to Jessica Simpson in the kitchen closet and attempting to prove to his black neighbor that he's not a racist. Neither venture usually goes over well, particularly because Louie is, well, Louie. He's a loser but there is something somewhat lovably earnest about the guy. At least, his wife Kim usually thinks so. She's played by King of the Hill's Pamela Adelon, but there's something off about her performance. Kim is a little too shrewish and not nearly as likeable as she should be. The audience should sympathize with Kim's position but instead there's a bit of disconnect going on. Rounding out the cast: Michael Hagerty and Laura Kightlinger as married couple Mike and Tina, Jerry Minor and Kimberly Hawthorne as put-upon neighbors Walter and Ellen, comedian Jim Norton as Louie's drug dealer pal Rich, and the adorable Kelly Gould as Louie and Kim's precocious daughter.

There's an odd juxtaposition between the almost 1970s-style set--flimsy, dark sets for Louie and Kim's apartment and their building's hallway--and the amount of graphic profanity (shock!)and even male nudity (gasp!) that the series features. The pilot episode definitely threw me as I wasn't quite sure what to make of it, but the series' second episode showed a little more promise. I just wish that the show's writers wouldn't rely so heavily on the novelty of being able to swear and show some full-frontal manhood. An ongoing sitcom's comedy needs to come from an emotional or intellectual place rather than just pure shock value. While you definitely can't catch any of this on network television, it doesn't mean that Lucky Louie is pushing the boundaries of what you can and can't discuss in a traditional sitcom format. Swearing does not make something automatically hysterical. While I am far from offended, I was hoping to be challenged or provoked by such a daring premise.

HBO's tagline for Lucky Louie reads, "The end of the sitcom as we know it." While that's a little too much hyperbole for my taste, I was hoping that Lucky Louie would take something old and give it a new twist, recycling a format that many see as outmoded and outdated. But for a show that promises such bite, this is no wolf in sheep's clothing... or even in Salvation Army garments. If Lucky Louie is going to succeed, the show needs to grow beyond the childish zeal for saying dirty words and start saying something worth hearing.

"Lucky Louie" airs Sunday evenings at 10:30 pm ET/PT on HBO; episodes are also available on HBO On Demand.

Channel Surfing: 6.23.06

Futurama to Live Again... in the Future

Comedy Central, which previously bought the rights to air 72 Futurama episodes last fall, have now pacted with studio Twentieth Century Fox Television to air 13 brand new episodes. The episodes, which will feature the voice talents of series stars Billy West, Katey Sagal, and John DiMaggio, will soon begin production and are expected to air on the cable network in 2008. Really? 2008? Wow. I knew that animation took a long time to produce, but that's a long time to wait for some new Fry and Bender material.

Huff is Snuffed

Showtime has decided not to renew the critically acclaimed dramedy Huff, which stars Hank Azaria as a disturbed psychologist. Oliver Platt and Blythe Danner also starred. The news comes as Huff concludes its second season on Sunday night and is surprising in light of the seven Emmy nominations that the show received for its freshman season.

FOX Gets (Typical) Jump on Fall

As anticipated, Fox will launch their fall schedule in advance of the baseball playoffs, with no less than three nights of original programming in rotation before Labor Day. The layout schedule is as follows:

August 21st: Prison Break; Vanished
August 30th: Bones; Justice
August 31st: Duets (two hour premiere)
September 5th: Standoff; House
September 7th: 'Til Death; Happy Hour
September 8th: Nanny 911; Duets Results Show
September 9th: Cops; America's Most Wanted: America Fights Back
September 10th: The Simpsons; American Dad; Family Guy; The War at Home
September 16th: MADtv; Talk Show with Spike Feresten
October 6th: Trading Spouses: Meet Your New Mommy
November 2nd: The OC

While it's great that FOX is launching its new and returning series during the summer's eleventh hour, I'll be holding a poll to see which new cult and critically acclaimed series will get shafted by the network first, a la Firefly, Wonderfalls, etc.

Tuesday Night Book Club Cancelled

For those of you looking to get your fix of wealthy suburban housewives pretending to read the works of Gustave Flaubert or, well, Gigi Levangie Grazer, you're out of luck as CBS has pulled low-rated reality series Tuesday Night Book Club after only two airings. The network will instead air repeats of 48 Hours Mystery in its place. And it's no mystery that more people will probably tune in to catch that.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: Ghost Whisperer (CBS); Dateline (NBC); What I Like About You/Twins (WB); America's Funniest Home Videos (ABC); 24 (FOX); Major League Baseball (UPN)

9 pm: Close to Home (CBS); America's Got Talent (NBC; 9-11 pm); Reba/Living with Fran (WB); Hope & Faith/Hope & Faith (ABC) , 24 (FOX)

10 pm: NUMB3RS (CBS); 20/20 (ABC)

What I'll Be Watching

8-9 pm: Spaced on BBC America.

BBC America's Underground block of programming welcomes a new addition to its lineup, the 1999 sitcom Spaced which stars Shaun of the Dead's Simon Pegg. In the first episode ("Beginnings"), Tim (that would be Pegg) and Daisy are forced to pose as a couple in order to rent an apartment. On the second episode ("Gatherings"), Daisy and Tim decide to host a party. Personally, I can't get enough of Simon Pegg, so I am so there.

9 pm: Black Books on BBC America.

Later on BBC America, the network is reairing the second season of the brilliant Britcom Black Books, which stars Dylan Moran and Bill Bailey. In the second season premiere ("The Entertainer"), Bernard falls in love while Fran takes up the piano. Just trust me and watch it, you'll thank me in the morning.

11:20 pm: The Catherine Tate Show on BBC America. (10:20 pm ET)

Later still on BBC America (catching a theme here?) is the second season premiere of The Catherine Tate Show. Who's Catherine Tate? Why, she might just be the heir to Tracy Ullman's sketch comedy throne.

On the Road with "Dane Cook's Tourgasm"

Summertime is officially here as of yesterday and with it comes picnics, fireworks, and drunken night swimming. Oh, and that most American of pastimes: the road trip. What's that, you say, a road trip? True, with gas prices at the pumps soaring away, it seems like many red-blooded Americans are staying closer to home this summer. So if you're not planning on driving cross-country (or even across state lines) this summer, then why not take a road trip from the comfort of your living room couch? Besides, what better road trip companion could there be than Mr. Comedy himself, Dane Cook?

I'm talking about HBO's new documentary series Dane Cook's Tourgasm, directed and executive produced by Dane Cook. If you're over the age of forty, I'll excuse you for not knowing who Dane Cook is, but college kids across the U.S. have embraced the kinetic comedian. His sophomore comedy album, "Retaliation," debuted at number four on the Billboard 200 and quickly made him the highest charting comedian in twenty-five years. Dane Cook is truly a King of All Media, embracing the Internet at a time before every online portal began peddling videos, while at the same time appearing in numerous feature films, hosting Saturday Night Live (his appearance garnered the show its highest ratings in two years), and continuing his sold-out stand-up act in venues around the country. Simply put, Dane Cook had become a star.

But it wasn't enough for Dane to have the spotlight. He wanted to share it with his friends and fellow comedians. So in 2005, he launched a new tour concept called Tourgasm, a cross-country national tour which he would headline. But, he would bring three comedians along for the ride; they'd perform when he performed and they'd share a tour bus. Fortunately for us, Dane also decided to have the entire thing filmed for a possible television series. Or at the very least, a nifty souvenir of the entire experiment. And so Dane Cook's Tourgasm was born.

Part road-trip picaresque, part behind-the-curtain reality series, Tourgasm is a fun ride. Dane Cook is hilarious; whether he's on stage or off, he exudes self-confidence and charisma. He's an Alpha male comedian's comedian and, on this trip anyway, easily drafted into the role of den father, breaking up petty disputes and parceling out sage advice to his less-experienced companions.

According to the show's credits, each of those comedians has a specific "role" within the group. Dane is naturally "The Leader" and, after all, it's his show. It's truly inspiring to see how he takes these three comedians under his wing and how he hopes that the three of them will begin to support one another in their acts and lives. It's a beautiful sentiment and one totally unexpected from this guy's guy, but Dane proves what it's truly like to be a leader. Dane's lieutenant is Robert Kelly, a.k.a. "The Instigator." Think Entourage's Turtle grown up, but with a better sense of humor. Robert has appeared in numerous feature films and television series and is a constant presence in national stand-up circuits. However, Robert's sense of humor often causes conflict among the group but he's unapologetic for ruffling any feathers. Plus, he's hilarious.

Next up is Last Comic Standing's Gary Gulman, a.k.a."The Conflicted." (I'm not quite sure how "The Conflicted" works as an honorific title, but there you go.) I'm not too keen on Gary who seems to have a lot of issues he needs to work out; he always seems separate from the rest of the group and a bit of a diva, arriving late for production meetings, fussing about his hair, etc. It's odd to see him on-stage as he seems to transform into someone else, someone more confident, with slicked hair and a cut-too-low v-neck muscle T. But he does do a funny riff on "The Pill."

Lastly, there's the wee bairn of the lot, Jay Davis, "The Newbie." Jay's the least experienced out of the group and could gain the most out of this trip, if he learned to be a smidge less... sensitive. For a comedian, he can dish it out, but he can't seem to take it. After all, four guys living together in extremely cramped quarters? There's bound to be some ragging on one another, a lot of conflict, and an overload of potty mouth. But instead of bonding, Jay sort of closes himself off from the rest of them. It's sad to watch because if he opened his mind a bit more, he would learn a lot from each of these guys.

Throw these four very different personalities together and you're bound to have sparks. But that's just what Dane did and the results are entertaining to watch. But besides for the conflicts, Tourgasm also offers an insider's perspective into the strange beast that is the comedy circuit. Performing in a variety of venues, the group criss-crosses the country, often confused as to where they are when they arrive in yet another college town. (Witness the Ohio/Iowa confusion in episode two.) They work on their acts and write and test new material, sometimes with mixed results. But they keep experimenting and tinkering with their jokes. Dane poses for numerous photos, signs autographs, chats up the college kids, and performs awe-inspiring sets filled with kinetic energy and nonstop movement. Along the way, the foursome bicker, bond, and berate one another in typical male bonding fashion.

While I don't know if these four will ever become best friends, their journey along the way makes for some wonderful television viewing. Dane Cook's Tourgasm is funny (at times painfully so), touching, and exhilarating, much like Dane's act itself. And if gas prices keep me staying close to home this summer, at least I'll be along for this ride.

"Dane Cook's Tourgasm" airs Sunday evenings at 11 pm ET/PT on HBO; episodes are also available on HBO On Demand.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: Gameshow Marathon (CBS); My Name is Earl/The Office (NBC); Smallville (WB); NBA Basketball (ABC; 8-11 pm); That '70s Show/That '70s Show (FOX); Everybody Hates Chris/Love, Inc. (UPN)

9 pm: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (CBS); My Name is Earl/The Office (NBC); Supernatural (WB); So You Think You Can Dance (FOX); Eve/Cuts (UPN)

10 pm: Without a Trace (CBS); Windfall (NBC)

What I'll Be Watching

7 pm: Hex on BBC America. (10 pm ET)

I'm still not thrilled by this imported series but there's little else on at this time and I'm on my own for the next week, so I'll be watching a load of telly (well, more than normally). On tonight's episode ("Possession"), Cassie rejects Troy's advances and instead has a steamy encounter with fallen angel Azazeal. What did you think I was going to say? That they went out for malted milkshakes? Not on this show...

8-9 pm: My Name is Earl/The Office.

On tonight's repeat episode ("Didn't Pay Taxes"), Earl tries to pay back taxes but discovers that Uncle Sam doesn't want his cash. Then on a repeat of The Office ("Office Olympics"), Michael suffers a panic attack while trying to close the deal on his new condo while, back at the office, Jim and Pam launch a series of Olympic-style office games.

9-10 pm: My Name is Earl/The Office.

An hour later, it's the same tasty combo again. On one of my favorite episodes of Earl ("Boogeyman"), Earl makes up for scaring a young boy (that would be Lost's Walt, a.k.a. Malcolm David Kelley) years earlier. And then it's the "Booze Cruise" episode of The Office, in which Michael takes the employees of Dunder-Mifflin on a cruise, but things get out of control for everyone. Especially Meredith.

10 pm: 5 Takes: Pacific Rim on the Travel Channel.

On tonight's installment of 5 Takes: Pacific Rim ("Hong Kong"), the reality/travel show I just can't say enough about, the gang sets off for Hong Kong, a city of contrasts where they encounter the old world of China and a new, ultra-modern one.

The Scandalous 1980s Musical Past of Ricky Gervais Caught on Tape

It's pretty rare that I am actually speechless.

I don't know what to say after watching this clip of The Office's Ricky Gervais' appearance on UK talk show Room 101. Let me put it this way: our very own David Brent (that would be Gervais, natch) was in a band called Seona Dancing and filmed this 1984 music video for their song "Bitter Heart." Watch it and you'll catch a seriously baby-faced Gervais and a rare glimpse of genius. Or at least of 1980s- inspired madness.



It's no "Free Love on the Freelove Highway" but just... wow. Seriously, wow. (Special thanks to Televisionary reader Whitney for bringing this rare gem to my attention.)

"Lovespring" Springs into Action

Given the popularity and success of HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm (and on the feature side, the films of Christopher Guest), network execs continue to look for series that feature improvisational comedy. After all, they're usually inexpensive to produce and, well, networks don't actually have to pay any writers per se. Making it a very attractive model, which might explain why every now and then series like ABC's Sons & Daughters or Lifetime's Lovespring International try to grab that crown from Curb's Larry David.

While Lovespring is far from perfect, it is a fun, frothy treat perfect for summertime ingestion. Rather like a beachside pina colada, in fact. Created by Guy Shalem and Brad Isaacs, Lovespring follows the travails of the professionals at Lovespring International, Beverly Hills' premiere dating service... which just happens to be based in the Los Angeles suburb of Tarzana. That the professional matchmakers are just as clueless as their clients is a large part of the comedy, which is more of the ha, ha, ha variety than the guffaws produced by Curb Your Enthusiasm, a show which Lovespring seems indebted to, from the familiar musical cues to an emphasis on mining humor from awkward or uncomfortable situations.

It's those very situations that I wish were a little less contrived. Curb found its freedom in investigating the mundane activities of everyday life in Los Angeles, while Lovespring is torn between exploring the quotidian and the zany. It's the series' zaniness which at times goes too far, such as when guest star Eric McCormack (who also serves as the show's executive producer) is torn apart by hungry dogs that receptionist Tiffany (Jennifer Elise Cox) was starving in an attempt to impregnate a client's pooch. The gruesomeness of Roman (McCormack)'s death took me out of the show completely and left a rather bitter taste in my mouth. I'd rather see the show focus on the triumphs and tribulations of the dating world than have a guest star mauled and eaten to death, which is apparently a popular way to die in Lovespring's wacky world, as this week's guest star Sean Hayes continues the trend by feasting on his dead wife following a plane crash. Jarring, to say the least.

The show needs some tightening (and stronger plotting), as it falls on Lovespring's talented actors to "write" the show's dialogue and carry the scenes. The entire troupe should be commended for their improv skills and the style does produce some hilarious lines at times, many from standout Wendi McLendon-Covey (Reno 911!) who plays lovelorn Lovespring VP Lydia Mayhew. Whenever McLendon-Covey appears on-screen, you can feel the energy crackle and the air bristle with comedic possibility. Lydia has got to be one of the saddest sacks in television, committed to a married man for twenty years, she's more pathetic than any of her clients. Yet McLendon-Covey manages to imbue Lydia with a sympathy and trampled grace that it is impossible to view her character as a completely lost cause.

The rest of the cast is also wonderful and includes Sam Pancake as closeted gay SVP Burke Kristopher, Jennifer Elise Cox as moronic receptionist Tiffany, Jack Plotnick as oversexed psychologist Steve Morris, Mystro Clark as videographer Alex Odom, and Jane Lynch as tyranical Lovespring founder Victoria Ratchford. As den mother/maniacal boss Victoria, Jane Lynch (40-Year-Old Virgin, Arrested Development) is phenomenal to watch and she's already proven her improv skills and comedic chops in Chrisopher Guest's superlative semi-improv'd films, Best in Show and A Mighty Wind. My only complaint is that I wish that producers would give Mystro Clark more to do, as thus far his talents have been rather wasted in the background. (I do hear, however, that next week's episode gives him an actual storyline, pairing him with Cox's receptionist in a romantic plot.)

Ultimately, Lovespring is an unexpected and unusual fit for Lifetime, a network which has made its name from shlocky women-in-peril telepics rather than groundbreaking comedy and hiding the show at 11 pm on Monday evenings might not be the best way to find an audience for this quirky, amusing show. While it might not be the most belly-achingly funny series, Lovespring is nonetheless a sweet confection that won't make you feel guilty in the morning. And, given its dating service setting, that's a good thing.

"Lovespring" airs Monday evenings at 11 pm ET/PT on Lifetime.

What's On Tonight

8 pm: Big Brother 7: All-Stars (CBS); Dateline (NBC); Blue Collar TV/Blue Collar TV (WB); George Lopez/Freddie (ABC); So You Think You Can Dance (FOX; 8-10 pm); My Date with Drew (UPN; 8-10 pm)

9 pm: Criminal Minds (CBS); America's Got Talent (NBC; 9-11 pm); One Tree Hill (WB); Lost (ABC)

10 pm: CSI: New York (CBS); Lost (ABC)

What I'll Be Watching

10 pm: Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares on BBC America (9 pm ET).

If Monday night's Hell's Kitchen wasn't enough Gordon Ramsay for you, here's your chance to catch him again. On tonight's episode of Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares ("La Riviera"), Gordon travels to Scotland to try to save the La Riviera restaurant from closing. The establishment boasts a top French chef and a highly trained kitchen staff, but can French ever conquer the land of haggis? Gordon aims to save this sinking ship but he's reminded of how his own Scotland-based restaurant failed years before.

Katie Lee Packs Her Knives: Breaking News from Bravo's "Top Chef"

The android has left the building. Or the test kitchen, anyway.

Top Chef's robotic host Katie Lee Joel, the veritable "Uptown Girl" herself (pictured at left), will NOT be sticking around for a second course of Bravo's hit culinary competition. According to a well-placed insider, Joel will "not be returning" to the show. No reason for her departure was cited.

Unfortunately, the perfect replacement for Joel, Top Chef judge and professional chef Tom Colicchio, will not be taking over as the reality series' host (damn!). Instead, the show's producers are currently scouring to find a replacement for Joel.

Top Chef's second season was announced by Bravo last month, but no return date has been set for the series' ten-episode sophomore season. Stay tuned as this story develops.

UPDATE (6/27): Bravo has now confirmed the above story.

Hold The Ballots: An Emmy Award Wish List

Summertime in Hollywood brings us many things: repeats, reality shows, and full-page Emmy campaign ads in the trades. But with the deadline to turn in Emmy nominating ballots rapidly approaching (um, it's at the end of today, in fact), I thought I'd take this opportunity to come up with a few awards of my own that unfortunately didn't quite make it onto this year's Emmy ballot.

And since the results of my little poll numbered only one (myself), I didn't think I needed to call in the services of accounting firm Ernst & Young to tabulate the results. Sorry, guys.

Unlike the actual Emmy Awards telecast, I've pared down the show to just the actual awards handout (no monologues, musical performances, or montages here, folks), so without further ado, the winners are...

Best TV Non-Couple Couple: The Office's John Krasinski and Jenna Fischer

While The Office is easily one of the most hysterical shows on television, the ongoing will-they-or-won't-they romantic storyline between Krasinski and Fischer's Jim and Pam has given this NBC Thursday night staple the added sting of heartbreak. Kudos to the twosome for keeping their flirtation (and friendship) going over two seasons and to the show's producers for taking the couple in a direction that the British version's Tim and Dawn only reached in the series' Christmas Special finale. Will Jim and Pam wind up a couple after their kiss? I don't know but I do know that what ever happens between their characters, Krasinski and Fischer's loaded banter will keep me coming back week after week.

Best TV President: Battlestar Galactica's Mary McDonnell

Whether she's battling cancer or fending off the political advances of power-hungry conspirators, Battlestar Galactica's President of the Twelve Colonies proves that she's a tough opponent. Mary McDonnell's portrayal of Laura Roslin deftly takes the president's steely resolve and tempers it with a sympathetic sensitivity. Roslin's nuanced transformation from naive schoolteacher to hard-edged leader is astonishing to watch, as is McDonnell's on-screen chemistry with Edward James Olmos, her military chief. Their tenderness, passion, and anger all coalesce into a beautiful portrait of middle-aged marriage, even though neither of them has realized it. And McDonnell's slight frame belies the strength of character and conviction that Roslin is forced to invoke, even when the decisions are far from easy ones to make. I don't know about you, but I'd much rather place the fate of the free world in Roslin's hands than, say, Commander in Chief's Geena Davis.

Best TV Mom (Comedy): Everybody Hates Chris' Tichina Arnold

Is there anyone else on television other than Tichina Arnold who could take the line, "I'm gonna kick her ass; hold my wig" and transform it into the battle cry of a mama bear protecting her turf? As Rochelle, Chris' "ghetto snob" mom, Arnold has crafted a devoted mother who is the very definition of tough love and an even tougher woman. Rochelle might have to slap some sense into her kids, but she's there to tuck them in at night and teach them a lesson or two along the way. (Just as long as no one steals her chocolate turtles.) While Chris' entire cast is flawless, it's Arnold's roaringly funny performance that makes each and every episode of Chris an absolute joy to watch.

Best TV Mom (Drama): Gilmore Girls' Lauren Graham

I can't quite decide why the TV Academy has never recognized Lauren Graham (or Gilmore Girls as a whole, for that matter). Is it the WB thing? The "teen" thing? Or the fact that the show was the snappiest written show on television for quite a while? Regardless, Graham has shown her acting chops, comedic timing, and flair for wonderfully random monologues. As Lorelai, caffeine-fueled mother/best friend to daughter Rory (Alexis Bledel), Graham has found the role she was born to perform. In a season marred by lackluster storylines and uneven plotting (to say the least) in which central characters Lorelai and Rory went their separate ways, it was Graham who kept Gilmore Girls going. Her Lorelai is a tangle of neuroses and insecurities but Graham infuses them with a sarcasm and intelligence that keeps her from becoming toothless, giving her a depth of character that's rarely seen in comedy or drama. So come on, Emmy, with Gilmore Girls purportedly wrapping next season, why not smile down on Graham while you still can.

Best TV Crimefighter: Veronica Mars' Kristen Bell

Whether she's solving murders or investigating mysteries of the heart, Kristen Bell's Veronica Mars is tough, focused, and determined to get the job done, even if she has to bend the law a little to do it. If I were ever framed for murder, Veronica is the crimefighter I'd want clearing my name. Bell turns in a beautifully nuanced performance of an outcast that's equal parts noir as it is snark and the theatre-trained actor has proven that she's as adept at heartbreak and drama as she is with action and comedy. Over the past two seasons, we've seen Veronica subtly transform from a girl with a massive chip on her shoulder to a self-confident, altruistic woman filled with promise. And, after leaving high school, I can't wait to see what else Veronica has up her trendy sleeve. Give this girl an Emmy and be done with it already.

Best TV Trailer Trash: My Name is Earl's Jaime Pressly

While I love NBC's My Name is Earl, Jaime Pressly's Joy has got to be the very best part of the show for me. Earl's ex-wife Joy is manipulative, trashy, and painfully honest and Pressly looks like she's having a field day playing her. It's due to Pressly's skills as an actor that Joy, while absolutely hilarious, never becomes cartoonish. Instead, Pressly has created a character that's deeply flawed but who revels in those very flaws before your eyes. Besides, who else but Pressly could imbue a catchphrase like "Oh, Snap!" with such malice and glee and still be so completely and utterly lovable?

Scariest TV Bad Guy: Big Love's Harry Dean Stanton

Big Love's Harry Dean Stanton is a scary, scary man. As cult leader Roman Grant, Stanton exudes a terrifying aura of power gone wrong, wielding his authority over the compound and the Henrickson family with a perverse pleasure. Stanton has appeared in dozens of films, but in Roman he's found his ideal character: morally corrupt and emotionally bankrupt, he's a sly old fox who refuses to give up the power that he fought (and possibly killed) for. His performance appears so effortless and so eerily controlled that it's impossible to take your eyes off of him, even for a second. After all, that's all the time it would take for him to rip out your throat.

Scariest TV Good Guy: Lost's Terry O'Quinn

I'm not quite sure what I'd say to Terry O'Quinn if I ever saw him in the flesh. After all, Locke scares me. And he's supposed to be a good guy. For O'Quinn, an actor used to getting stuck playing FBI types, it seems like he's had a blast portraying Lost's resident visionary, John Locke, whose quest for enlightenment on Lost's haunted island purgatory has propelled quite a lot of the series' otherworldly plots. For an actor used to sitting off on the sidelines, Locke is a meaty role filled with contradictions. Desperate to believe in something larger than himself, Locke has been teetering on a knife's edge between altruistic heroism and obsessive villainy. The look on his face in the season finale when he realized that he was right to keep pushing the button was a mixture of joy and abject horror. Will he make it out of the hatch alive? I'm sure of it but I think we've only breached the surface of Locke's character and I can't wait to see where O'Quinn takes him next.

Best Cancelled TV Show: Arrested Development

Need I say more? Rest in peace, my beloved Bluths.

Best TV Show About Polygamists: Big Love

Okay, it's the only television show about polygamists, but Big Love takes the prickly issue of plural marriage and transforms it into a gripping drama about a rat